Jitters

Happy 2012!

I managed to stay awake to see in the New Year (though not without suffering the next day). Our night was fairly tame. A few friends round, a BBQ, drinking (by others) but not to excess. It was a nice way to say goodbye to 2011 and to welcome in 2012. 

I am spending my days relaxing. Resting on the bed or couch and watching TV, surfing the net or reading. I don't feel like doing much else. My legs and back have been sore so I don't feel like leaving the comfort of home. This quiet period is giving me too much time to think though. While I am excited about meeting our little man, I am also petrified. 

I am nervous about the c-section and the possible complications from the placenta praevia. I know the likelihood of anything going wrong are slim, but I can't help but wonder whether I'll fall into that small percentage (just like with everything else). I know I should be thinking positively, and for the most part I am...but there's always that shadow of doubt floating round in the back of my mind. 

Once I get past worrying about the surgery itself, I start freaking out about the fact that we will then have a baby. It still (yes even at this late stage of the game) doesn't feel quite real. I still cannot imagine myself holding a baby that is mine. It's quite surreal. And then I start to panic...what do I know about babies?!? How on earth are DH and I going to look after this tiny person?!? What if I can't get the hang of breast feeding?!? And so on, and so forth. 

First time mummy jitters I am sure, but I just can't shake them! Hopefully once I am holding that tiny bub in my arms this will all melt away (or get worse...).

We didn't get a chance to tour the public hospital yesterday either which I am a bit annoyed about. I called to make sure it was still on and was told that they were too busy and would not be doing a tour that day. I got told to call again on Wednesday (the other tour day) and check if it was running. Seriously, why have set tour days if you are going to cancel them?!? I asked about private rooms and the woman I was speaking to had no idea and promised to look into it and call me back....which didn't happen. Frustrating to the max! Seeming today is a public holiday here, I will try and call the hospital tomorrow and see if I can get an answer about the rooms. I have talked to a couple of people who have birthed there and they seemed to think that as I am going in as a private patient I should get a room but that I may need to book it. Hopefully I can speak to someone who has a clue....but I'm not holding my breath.