BFN

Friday, April 30, 2010

So once again I build my hopes up, only to have them come crashing down around my ears.

I feel so stupid with all that positive talk and crap. I just set myself up for a fall, month after month. When will I learn? If I expect the worst then I will never be dissapointed. 

 Have had some wonderful advice from Green Sprout about my FF chart. She is my charting guru!! My FB girls are telling me not to give up hope yet, that there's still a chance until AF actually arrives. But I am failing to grasp a hold of their positivity. I think it's easy enough to stay positive for others, but for yourself, when you are feeling so let down, its near impossible. 

I am just going to wait it out now. No more tests (even though I have 2 more). I can't even begin to explain the hurt of seeing 1 line. It gets a little worse each month and takes a little piece of my hope away with it. 
I bit the bullet and booked in for my HyCoSy at Advanced Women's Imaging. I got in on the 10th May at 8:30am. I figure if AF shows in the next few days then she should be well and truly done by then. I must admit I am a little nervous. The lady I spoke to told me to take a couple of naprogesic an hour before my appointment. How much is this going to hurt???? This is also going to cost me $370. I am hoping I can claim some of this back with Medicare or my PHI. 

Who knew TTC would be so expensive? I thought the baby would be where all my money went. WRONG! I think I would like to add up all the money I have spent on HPTs, OPKs, FF, BBT Thermometers (my dog ate one!), Pre Seed, vitamins and doctors appointments. The total would suprise me, and I don't think DH would be very impressed either. 
On a DH note. He is taking the new job. They want him to start on Monday, but he is still down south with his old job. Not sure at this stage whether they will let him finish up on Sunday and fly home. Otherwise he will finish there next Thursday, come home for a night and then fly to new job on Friday. Either way I don't know if he will be here at the right time to try. I guess it depends on when AF shows up and what his roster is. They were saying 14/7 originally, but now there is talk of 7/7. 7 days off is so shit. 2 days are usually wasted in travel. So only really 5 days at home. I guess this would be bearable if he was to do the 7/7 roster as it would be so quick between times home. 7/7 may work better in our favour while TTC also. 

I am listening to '3 Little Birds' in a desperate attempt to boost my mood...It has made me smile, but I am yet to muster any positive vibes from Bob's optimistic attitude. 

On an end note, I plan to throw my thermometer in the bin once this cycle is over (too curious about what my temps will do next to stop now!).

2 comments:

Green Sprout said...

(((Summa)))

They advised taking naprogesic or some kind of pain killer beforehand just because the process of injecting the solution will cause some cramping in the uterus. With these procedures the only folks that seem to get pain are those that have blockages otherwise it is more of a discomfort. (There is a lot of forum material out there.)

Agreed about the 7/7 being the more desirable of the two. Think it would be better from all perspectives for DH to be home more frequently even if for not as long as hoped for...

"On an end note, I plan to throw my thermometer in the bin once this cycle is over" - AWESOME! :-D

Summastarlet said...

Oh thats good to know..I can handle cramps!

Glad you approve of throwing out the thermometer! It's my first step towards freeing myself from TTC!