Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I'm at work and so over today. I had 127 emails to go through and several back to back clients booked this morning. Then I had to catch up with several other staff members about different things...it's been a busy day. I have hit a wall though and can't be bothered doing anything else now....

Had a nice slap in the face type moment this morning too. A client I see is pregnant....and circumstances are not 'ideal'. She told me the whole story over the phone (which is lucky otherwise if it had of been face to face I don't think I could have hidden my face dropping with despair) and I then had to provide sympathy etc. Part and parcel of my job...but it was so tough. I just wanted to hang up the phone, curl up under my desk and have a good cry.

I soldiered on but it keeps playing on my mind. I also know I will have to face her in person one of these days and I am not sure how I will handle this...

AF seems to have finally left me alone which I am grateful for. The side effects from the drugs however have decided to stay! Only 2 more days of letrozole!!

I have decided to let this cycle run it's course and will book an appointment with my FS for when I think the cycle will end (about 3rd week in September). Will lay out my concerns (painful AF, short cycle this past month, extreme metformin side effects) and see what he has to say.

I really just want to get on with things so we can have a baby..I don't want to start again with a new doctor or try different drugs. I want it to be all systems go for an IUI cycle next month.

If he suggests a lap then I don't want it to interfere with our action plan..I may sound impatient but I think I have done my share of waiting. I just want it to be our turn so badly....

Tomorrow marks a week exactly until our holiday! I am getting more excited. I have so much to do before we leave (including an assignment..yuk) and I am not sure how I will get it all done. Everything bar the necessities have slipped down low on my priority list. I am in a bit of a slump so really hoping the time away does me some good.

I ordered some vitamins online last night. Hoping they come in the next few days so I can gain some energy back. Went with a pregnancy vitamin as I figure one day I will hopefully be switching to these anyway and they were cheaper than buying pre-conception vitamins (as you can get them in bulk). I'm sure it can't hurt...just have to remove them from the kitchen bench when we have visitors as I am sure they would raise many questions that I don't want to answer!!

Which leads onto another thought I have been having...removing the secrecy of our TTC struggles. This has been playing on my mind for quite some time now but still very undecided on the matter. It's all a big 'should we or shouldn't we' situation. I definitely think we would tell some people if we reached IVF. I'm unsure if we would do it sooner and tell when we get to IUI next month...I still think DH would want to keep it quiet no matter what happens but I would really love the support of my mum and sister (and perhaps even a few close friends) sooner rather than later. I am tempted all the time when I see my family but then when I think about it...I have no idea how to tell them. I mean, where do I start?!? And then there's the tricky thing of me not wanting DH's sister to know anything. Which really means we couldn't tell his mum as I am sure she would spread the word. So then DH gets angry that his family doesn't know and mine does...which brings us back to not telling anyone. -sigh-




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2 comments:

Green Sprout said...

Insert Devil's Advocate Here

Okay first thing is first. In regards to the lap that can be done without compromising a cycle in any form. Mine was done on the tail end of AF and I was right to roll by the time ovulation came around. It is all about timing.

Consider: If you do have endo and it is growing on one or both ovaries and munting them when the pop so you can't use them... you don't want to be kicking yourself when you reach IVF and they go "Oh your eggs are being munted for som reason...we want to do a lap... oh look what we found!"

Second of all, how often do you see your SIL and MIL for them really to have a bearing on you? Yes, they might turn up here and there, make some snarky comment that will have you raging for a few days but is it really worth forgoing 24/7 support from your family (including one member who KNOWS infertility) for that odd occasion??? You are a critical stage now where your DH is feeling the pressure so you haven't got quite the counter balance that you used to have. Your family are good for that role and the bigger and stronger your support network the more cushioning you will have when you fall and the easier it will be to push forward. Especially when DH isn't home and down the track if you find that you can't stomach the thought of Nani and I because it hurts or whatever. Don't let some silly wench and her daughter interfere with you getting the support you need.

As far as how to tell them... easy enough. Invite them over, sit them down and say "Hey, there reason we invited you over is because we need your support with a problem we've been having". It sets it up without sounding like the good news of "there is something we need to tell you."

Devil's Advocate Out...

Summastarlet said...

You are a very good devils advocate...will discuss with you further..need some more prodding!