It's a good news month!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Well I am very pleased to say that the 2nd member of our trio has gotten her BFP!!!

Congratulations Green Sprout!!!!!

After a year of TTC, given the tag 'unexplained infertility' and 3 rounds of clomid...there is finally a baby sprout on the way!!!!!!!

I know I joked a few posts ago about the trifecta..but as Meatloaf sings '2 outta 3 ain't bad!'

So I am now that last woman standing so to speak.

We started out with a bigger group of TTCers originally and slowly the BFPs came rolling in.

The group split and we were left with 4 TTCers. All wishing and hoping for those 2 lines to appear each month. All on slightly different journeys which also had many similarities.

Not long ago our quartet turned into a trio. I won't bother going into details but I will say this-the journey of a TTCer is a tough one. Some cope better than others. Some enjoy the support and friendship of others TTC but others prefer to isolate themselves.

So now it's just me. The lone TTCer.

While I am so happy for Nani & GS as they have both slogged it out and done the hard yards, I will admit that part of me is sad.

Sad that I am being left behind in TTC land while they embark on the new and exciting world of pregnancy.

And please don't mistake this for sour grapes or anything like that.

I am happy from the bottom of my heart for these 2 wonderful women. I have been there beside them hoping and wishing and speculating every month, hoping that this time they would get the result they were after.

And finally it's here for both of them!! They have each other as pregnancy buddies which is awesome! Perhaps they can even have double appointments with Dr Brad (they share the same FS doctor). Who BTW I call Dr McDreamy!!

Yes I am sad, but incredibly happy at the same time (yes it's possible I swear!!!). I'm scared that I will never get to where they are...and I want it so badly.

Each day that goes past is another day closer to when the SIL has her baby. And we will then be subjected to a barrage of photos along with insistence that we visit to see the baby. Where no doubt she will brag incessantly as that is what she does about anything she gets before DH.

It's another day closer to when friends of ours get married and start TTC also. I couldn't bear it if they got their BFP before we did...infact I have said to DH that I honestly don't know how I could face them if that happens. And this is awful as they are close friends that we spend a lot of time with.

It's another day closer to another failed cycle, to IUI, to IVF. Perhaps even to a future with no children of our own.

I cannot see this journey as getting closer to a happy ending. I can only see it as getting closer to running out of options and being told there is nothing else to do.

Grrrrrrrrr...I was working on this being a happy post, but that didn't work so well.

Bring on my psych appointment on Friday. I need to clear my head out and unload on someone. Blogging it out just isn't cutting it anymore.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Green Sprout said...


I know it isn't sour grapes. I've been so worried about you and how you'd feel about this whole situation. I wouldn't trade this baby for anything but I honestly thought you'd be next of us and I thought it would be better that way. I thought it would be better that way because I'd found my happy comfort zone. Things were going good. I'd reconnected with the world, started exercising and was going back to uni. I really didn't believe it would happen and I was ok with it. (Apparently my "grief" was the start of hormonal cascade). In my mind, you'd hop over that line and there would be world peace... possibly followed up with a surprise for me.

I know I keep repeating it like a broken record but I do believe it will happen for you. I know that holds bugger all weight in your world too but I've said it anyway so too bad. NYER. You are an awesome chick and you deserve the right to rear your own. I am absolutely praying (in the way that non-religious ppl do) that this cycle bears good news. No matter what happens though, you are my friend and I'm going to be dragging you forward by the ankle if I have to!

Stay strong. You are a warrior.


Lindsay said...

Oh my, you are so not alone! There are still some of us out there, even if we weren't in the original group.

Lindsay said...

BTW, I have tried over and over to leave you comments before and for some reason it never lets me. We are reading and understanding. You can get through this!