better fill you in..

I was too tired last night to do a double post, so just decided to do my 'topic' for the day and save my update for later.

First of all....

I CAME OUT OF THE INFERTILITY CLOSET YESTERDAY!!!!! 

Yup, I took the plunge and rid myself of our big secret...and it feels great! I think I have written previously that DH and I decided that we would start telling people about what has been happening for us TTC wise. It was just a matter of figuring out how to broach the subject with people. 
 
Yesterday I had my fertility specialist appointment at 4pm. I spent the afternoon with my sister and when she asked if I wanted to come with her to visit our parents, I said no (as the appointment was in like 30 minutes). Of course she asked why..and I figured well...why not tell the truth....

So I did! I just sort of blurted out a short version of our whole sorry story...and my sister was great. She listened, asked questions and then gave me a big hug and apologised for all the times she has asked us about when we were going to make her an aunty. I didn't cry, which was surprising as I thought I would be a blubbering mess. Once I told her it felt like a gigantic weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And then she did another wonderful thing and offered to tell my parents so I didn't have to recount the story all over again. 

So off I went to my appointment, and off she went to my parents to share my news. 


After my appointment I found a text message on my phone from my sister telling me to come round to the parents place when I was done. I did and it was all ok. My mum was like 'we don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to, but know that we are here if you ever want to talk or cry or vent'. She also said that if I want her to she will tell other family members, but for now I said to leave it just between us. My dad was pretty good too. He is into all kinds of natural remedies/therapies and suggested a few things but didn't go over the top. 


I am honestly so pleased that we decided to start telling people. It really has made me feel better about everything and I am glad that we don't have to keep it a big secret anymore. 12+ months of secrets is more than enough for me! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family, especially my wonderful little sister...was so thankful that she broke the news to my parents...I think I would have cried if I told them. 


My FS appointment went ok. I walked away slightly confused though...


Went in and explained that my 3rd cycle of drugs is almost over and I wanted to have a quick chat about IUI. Explained about DH working away and how most likely he won't be home to give a sample on the day of IUI. Doctor confirmed that they can freeze the sample at the clinic which was a relief to hear. He explained that he would send a letter to the IVF clinic with my history and explain about DH, then told me to ring the clinic Friday and arrange an appointment. From there he said they will decide when DH would drop a sample in and then organise first round of IUI...Ok so that seems sorta straight forward except do we really need an appointment to arrange drop off of a sample?!? Can't they just tell me that over the phone?!? Who knows...will know more when I call on Friday I suppose.


Next I broached the subject of my increasingly painful periods and the possibility of having a lap to check for endo. No, he doesn't think I have endo. However, he would like me to go to some specialist to have another scan done of my ovaries to check to see if I have lots of cysts (due to the PCOS he believes I have). He then proceeded to tell me that if there seems to be lots of cysts and my ovaries look like crap (my words, not his) then I would need to have 'golf balling' done. WTF is 'golf balling'?!?! Ovarian drilling...


This whole scan thing slightly confuses me as I had the hycosy done where they checked out my lady bits which I even have pictures from. The report from this procedure says 'ovaries were not examined in detail however no gross abnormalities were noted'. So surely this means they couldn't see super bad cysts on my ovaries. From what I can see of the pictures (and comparing them with polycystic ovart pics on Google) it looks like there are cysts on both my ovaries. The pictures aren't the best quality though...and I am not an expert trained to read these things so I suppose I could be wrong! Also, my FS has done an internal scan after my first round of drugs and he checked out my inside bits to see if I had ovulated...so surely he would have picked up on cysts?!?! 


He wants me to get this scan done after my next period is done...period is due anytime in the next 4-7 days. I suppose seeming its a specialist place I will need to ring up and book that in also...just have to guesstimate when I think my period will arrive/be finished. 


The last thing I checked on was the metformin side effects and whether my body should have adjusted to the drug...but apparantly the metformin is 'useful' so I must continue with it and yes it can make you sick but it's just something you have to learn to live with. Sucky! I didn't tell him that I forgot to take it for the duration of my holiday though...which BTW was awesome as it was the first time I hadn't felt nauseous everyday or had stomach upsets in forever!! 


So yeh...slightly confused as to the next steps in our TTC process. Hopefully the IVF clinic will explain it better when I give them a call...and then I just have to wait to see how this cycle pans out so I can get this scan done. 


Part of me is really hoping that holidaying and relaxing paid off and I will be UTD this month...but the rest of me is being realistic and thinks we need further assistance to help us have a baby. I would love to be proven wrong though...a holiday baby sounds just wonderful to me! 


All in all though I am feeling quite upbeat about it all. I think it's the combination of the holiday and telling some people about it all that has made me feel a hell of a lot better. I am also resigned to the fact that baby making is COMPLETELY out of my control now. There will be no more timing sex, examining CM, or obsessing over O pains. I will no longer need to lie with my legs up around my head after having sex or worry about using 'sperm friendly' lube everytime we have sex. All I can do to help the TTC process now is to take my meds and continue with my vitamins. The rest is up to the doctors and nurses. 


I have a feeling of peace. It's nice. I haven't felt so good in a very long time. I hope it continues. 


Oh and I had my hair done this morning which might also contribute to me feeling super shiny and new! Loving my new 'do!!