Fears & Tears

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

9 more sleeps until the blood test...just over a week but I know it will continue to drag.

I am at the point where I am worrying about every little thing I do. Worried that anything could stop the little embie from implanting. Paranoid that it will be my fault if we don't get a BFP. I mean EVERYTHING!

I took the dog for a walk this morning (first time since before EPU) and I was freaking out the whole time thinking 'OMG what if this is classified as strenuous exercise?!?' and 'what if I am ruining our chance of a baby?'. Not exactly the nicest way to start your day. Then I had a coffee this morning at work. I felt so guilty about it that I only ended up drinking half the cup. Plus I started feeling weird twangy sensations and my mind automatically jumped to 'Either this is implantation or I was right and walking the dog was a bad idea'.

And my mind has been like this constantly since ET but I think it's slowly getting worse and more paranoid and over the top. It's wearing me down and stressing me out....and my aim for this TWW was to be calm and serene.

To top my day off I just started crying before. Over NOTHING!!! Literally I was sitting on the couch watching mindless crap on TV and then a second later I was bawling. What is up with that?!? Probably just another side effect from the drugs, but a little part of me can't help but wonder...and do a secret little happy dance.

I must go...I feel the waterworks starting up again and I don't want to drown my laptop.