The TWW

Here I am again...blogging is a nice cheap form of therapy!

I gave up my coffee fear this morning and indulged in a cup. I figure if I am pregnant then I will probably go off coffee anyway so I may as well enjoy it now. I am only having one cup too (and it's only on the 3 days I work...I don't have it at home).

One more week to go until we find out whether we have been blessed with an IVF miracle. This past week has passed quicker than I thought it would, but it probably helped that I had DH here for most of it and once I had recovered from the EPU/ET we had a busy weekend filled with lots of social activities. I thought work this week would be a great distraction too but it's a quiet time of year for me and I have no clients...which gives me plenty of time to mull things over and analyse every little thing. This weekend however, will be worse.

4 days at home. Just me and the dog. No DH to keep me occupied. No plans. Most likely I will be sitting at home on the couch watching mindless crap on TV. Not exactly a killer distraction for an over active mind. Especially the mind of a crazy woman in a TWW! I will have to make a list of things to do. Housework will make the top of the list....but my irrational fears of too much strenuous activty will kick in. It's a vicious cycle.

The most frustrating thing is that all the 'symptoms' I am experiencing are by products of the Crinone.

-sore and enlarged boobs
-peeing frequently throughout the night
-nausea
-diarhoea
-tiredness
-cramps

It's all the Crinone. These (and more) are all listed as side effects. I cannot equate anything I am feeling right now to that teeny-tiny embryo that was put back inside me last Friday. This of course fires up my over active mind and makes me think that this has not worked. That my blood test next week will show that I am not pregnant. But then I feel the funny twangy pains in my right hand side that have been happening on and off since yesterday and this same mind thinks 'IMPLANTATION!!!!'.

Geez...can I make up my mind?!?!

I think not. It's like I'm teetering on a see-saw.

I am. I'm not. I am. I'm not.

I am spending my days going back and forth. I am an optimist and a pessimist within seconds of each other.