I Hate Cancer

Friday, February 25, 2011

My grandmother is in hospital again, and it looks as if we will have to place here in a care facility. She needs 24/7 care, and a higher level of care then what we can provide for her at home. It's so sad it's come to this point, but it has to be done. She understands and wants the pressure taken off her family, but it doesn't make it any easier. My mum is a wreck at the moment. She feels so guilty (we all do).

There is so much to try and organise...and actually finding her a place at one of the facilities close by is proving to be difficult. I am going to tour a couple with mum on Sunday and Monday. I'm not really sure what to expect as I haven't stepped foot into a place like this since I was a little kid when my great grandmother was alive...but I don't remember much.

I just wish there was more that I could do to help. It's situations like these that you feel totally helpless and unsure. I think all the family is feeling a bit like this right now. I've got to try and get up to the hospital to see my grandmother soon. I feel terrible as she has been in all week and because of all the extra hours I have been working I have not made it in to see her yet...I know she understands...but still..the guilt is there.

Cancer is such a horrible thing. It's such a shit way for someone to die and to spend the last years/months/weeks/days of their life battling this horrible disease. The day they find a complete cure for cancer will be a very good day.

The only solace I can take right now is that my grandmother has had a very full and amazing life. She has travelled the world, lived through war and depression, raised a beautiful family, and even lived long enough to meet several of her great grandchildren. She is a wonderful person and has taught me so much throughout my life.

What I would give for her to meet my first child...something I thought would be possible with Bubble, but sadly this wasn't to be. At the rate she is detriorating, I am sad to say that I think my children will only know of their great grandmother through photos and the precious stories I share with them.


Liz said...

I constantly feel guilty I don't see my grandmother more. I was SO looking forward to telling her I was pregnant, but now I will not be able to. I can completely relate to your feelings lately.

I'm sure if you visit her you it will make you feel much better. I have only had my one grandmother my whole life and don't see her enough. I always worry when she is no longer here I will regret that.

The Life Tourist said...

I lost my Papa to Cancer in 1997. I lost my baby Gridge (my dog) to cancer in 2009. It still amazes me how cancer affects practically everyone in the world somehow. I'm with you....the day we find a cure...will be a very good day. Hang in there...I know it's difficult watching the disease take hold. It almost destroyed me watching my Papa and my baby waste away.

New Year Mum said...

Thinking of you and your grandma... cancer is so awful. Your first child Bubble will meet her in a peaceful place somewhere whenever that day comes. Very true... a cure for cancer will be an amazing day xoxo

Jenni said...

Thinking of you. you're right, cancer sucks. I lost my grandmother to cancer 5 years ago, and I remember mourning all of the things that I knew she would miss. It was hard, but at the same time, we had reached the point where it was good to see her at peace and not suffering anymore.

Kate Bentley said...

Over here on ICLW - and wanted to send a gentle hug. This is a rough time you are having - to cope with your Grandma and still be so raw after bubble: I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry the pain is continuing. Stay strong and hold onto what makes you you and it will pull you through xxxxxx

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry. We went through this recently with C's grandma, and with other drawn out illnesses with my grandfathers, all in like a three month period. And then my coworker died of cancer. It's just an awful disease and I'm so sorry your grandmother and you and your family are affected by it.