Things NOT To Say To An Infertile...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

things NOT to say to an infertile

'Just relax'...not helpful and not always possible (especially if you are in the throes of an IVF cycle and are enduring injections, scans and blood tests galore).

'Go on a holiday'...Taking a holiday and having sex in a different place IS NOT going to cure my infertility.

'You're young, you have plenty of time'...Getting older is not a magical cure to my infertility issues, and just because I am not pushing 40 it doesn't lessen the strong desire I have RIGHT NOW to hold my baby in my arms.

'It wasn't meant to be' (in regard to miscarriage)...Quite frankly this is hurtful. I don't think I need to elaborate anymore on this one.

'My stopped IVF and then fell pregnant naturally'...Yes this does happen on occasion, but just because it happens to some it doesn't mean it will happen to me. And I am not going to pin all my hopes on this!!!

'I fell pregnant while on the pill'...Trust me if you say this to me-I WILL hurt you.

'You can always adopt'...Sure it's an option, but do you know the waiting times involved?!!? I have been waiting long enough as it is!!!

 'At least you know IVF works for you'...This doesn't make me feel any better about the loss of our baby, nor does it instill any hope for the future. There is no silver lining in this type of situation, so stop trying to find one.

'It's going to happen for you-I just know it'...NO you don't know it!!!! No one does...and your positivity sickens me.

'Have you tried yet?'...No I haven't. Just because you saw it on tv/in the paper/online it does not mean that it's true. Besides, I have limited money and I don't want to waste it...saving for another IVF cycle is probably a safer bet!

Got any more that drive you wild?!!?


Me and You, Just Us - Two. said...

I heard this one yesterday in a text from a friend...
"I just heard a commerical for "(Insert name here) Fertility Center"they sounded really good, you should call and see if you can switch over to that doctor.

Yes, because switching doctors is no big thing and I had just told her I switched to a new doc in the prac and was happy. Unsolicited advice! This was really bothering me!! Glad you posted this!!

saranissa said...

I totally agree. I did not struggle with IF for anywhere near as long as you, but the 'just relax' thing used to really annoy me. Unfortunately the really really frustrating thing is that it is totally true but so so hard... Hang in there honey!

New Year Mum said...

People can say the most hurtful things... not because they mean to but sometimes because they just don't think :( If any of their recommendations worked - we would have been pregnant long ago. It's hard when people don't say anything and pretend loss and IF is not happening xoxo

Cattiz J said...

Ha, I know this list too good. And yeah it can still happen naturally but somehow I have come to terms with that it won't. Not in the near future anyways.

The one that bothers me most is "Now when you get help it will all be fine" Well, it's no guarantee it will work just because you see a Doc. but of course the chance of success is much better!

Thanks for stopping by at mine, happy ICLW

Baby Hopes said...

Love this... absolutely love it. So very, very true!!!

Kat said...

Someone actually said to me, with no knowledge of my infertility but within the context of discussing IVF: The world is overpopulated, don't you think it's better to adopt from China? As if China was a baby shop you can just go to. Yuck.


infertilefollies said...

"I have a friend who did IVF and ..." all I hear after that is blah-blah-blah because frankly I just don't need a success story to drag me down right now. Or a failure story either, for that matter. What would make someone think I care to hear the story of some person I don't know when I just shared something extremely painful and personal? How about, "I'm so sorry. How is it going for you? I am here if you ever need someone to talk to."

And, my personal favorite, from the religious circle: "God is the giver of life." (Generally followed by a mini sermon about God's timing, and his power over this world, and working miracles.) In other words, you should not be so sad about your legitimate medical problems because God might do a miracle and make it all go away. DO WE SAY THESE THINGS TO PEOPLE WITH OTHER DISEASES? It is not comforting, and is basically a STFU to the infertile in a nice, churchy way. Thank you for the reminder, church person, I never thought to pray about this minor problem in my life and ask God to heal me. I'm so glad you finally gave me that idea.

Yikes! People are so insensitive... yet I know I have said some of these things myself in my prior life. Oh, ignorance.