An Idea

Friday, February 18, 2011

Boy am I glad it's Friday. It's been a long, hard week. I am more than ready for a few days off.

Work has been crazy. It always is this time of year as I get the fun task of organising O Week for the new students. It's a BIG job which is why they give me the extra work hours so I can get it all done. On top of this I have been dealing with a crazy student..and crazy is probably an understatement. I'm not going to go into it except to say that it is bordering on harassment with multiple phone calls and nasty emails every day. Today I had 12 calls from the space of about 5.5 hours. Stress I could do without right now thank you very much!

Then of course I hit the 'I should be 12 weeks pregnant' mark on Wednesday. After my cry to DH the other night my emotions have shut down. I didn't let myself cry again on Wednesday. I have busied myself with work and fallen into bed exhausted without much time to think much. It's good. No time to think means no time to dwell and cry and be miserable...

Now I've stopped though..well there's been time to think about our lost miracle. DH being a typical male didn't even realise that we'd reached this date. It's like he is forgetting already and I can't stand it. Everything is moving forward, everyone is going about their lives...even me to a certain extent but I can't bear the thought of our Bubble being forgotten. That's not how it should be. I know to most other people Bubble didn't represent a real baby but to me they did. From the moment we had our ET that was our little person inside me, no matter how small that embryo was.

So I started thinking of a way to honour our little one and also have a reminder so we will not forget that once we were blessed with a miracle for a short time in our lives. And I have decided to get a new tattoo in memory of Bubble. DH thinks it's a great idea and I think he's hoping it may bring me some peace and help the grieving process.

I found a design that I like, have decided where it will go and have even booked in to the tattoo place. I couldn't get a spot for a few weeks (which is kind of annoying) but I'm going to try another place tomorrow and see if they can squeeze me in sooner. I really want this done as soon as possible. Now I've got the idea I just want to execute it!

I know that once I have this done it will lead to questions but I am ready for this. At this point in time I really don't care who I tell and if it makes them uncomfortable then that's their problem, not mine. I want infertility and miscarriages to be as openly talked about as many other medical issues. I'm sick of all this cloak and dagger shit.

Tomorrow night is DHs party. I have my jelly shots setting in the fridge. Looking forward to feeling drunk and happy..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Anonymous said...

Hun, I don't think your DH is forgetting at all, it's just these little 'milestones' which are so important to us in pregnancy, just aren't so important to men. My hubby is exactly the same. It doesn't mean he cares any less.

I think the tattoo is an excellent idea. But don't worry about people forgetting. Your family and friends and the people who care about you will never forget x

The Life Tourist said...

I think the tribute tattoo is an excellent idea. Have fun at the party with those jelly shots! ; )

New Year Mum said...

Great to remember your Bubble exactly how you want :) I completely agree that loss and IF should be openly talked about.... the pain is hard enough without feeling like it's a 'secret' only because others can't bear to talk about it. Thinking of you over the 12 week milestone and know your pain. Any life for however long is special thing and to be cherished. Have fun tonight... jelly shots sound great :)) xo