Friday, April 16, 2010

It's the weekend! YAY!!

It has been raining today, so not sure if we are still going camping or not..Will see what it's like tomorrow morning. I think DH will be very dissapointed if we can't go. He is really looking forward to it.

We had a massive fight last night..well actually it was very early this morning. He went to help a friend with a car last night and didn't get back til the wee hours of the morning. I had warned him that I may be Oing or it would be happening shortly and he's like 'yeh we will BD..I will wake you up if you're asleep'. Well he didn't wake me up. I woke up and he was in bed asleep..and the irrational crazy TTC woman took over. I was REALLY angry. Was thinking it was all his fault if we didn't conceive this month because we may have missed our shot..Totally stupid thoughts, but I just couldn't help it. I got up to go to the loo and made sure I stomped my feet and slammed the ensuite door..I wanted him to wake up. When that didn't work I kept nudging him in bed and he eventually woke up. 

It was on. We yelled and screamed..I cried. He claimed I was putting too much pressure on him (completly understandable now I am in a sane state of mind) and that he was sick of it. He went to the upstairs spare room and said he would sleep there for the rest of his time at home. Well that made me hysterical..Crazy TTC woman could only think 'oh no..another cycle wasted!!' Eventually he caved and came back to our room (our bed is way comfier than the spare one) and we went to sleep without another word.

I didn't know what to expect this morning. We woke late and I very tentatively gave him a hug and apologised. He was ok. I think he understands..and although he doesn't show it like me, I think he wants this baby as much as I do, and is just as frustrated that it is not happening to us. Needless to say we had some great make up sex...So I suppose we are still on track for BDing at least every 2nd day..I would rather it be every day around O time. 

Thinking about all that now..I hate that I become this crazy woman obsessed with having sex at the right time. It's insane. I feel so bad that I treated DH like that...and I think there have been a few other instances (not as bad) where I have done something similar. 

It sounds terrible, but I felt like I couldn't control those emotions either. My 'mummy' clock is ticking and I will do anything to get that end result...Stepping all over DH's emotions included obviously. 

I am very lucky that he is putting up with all this. Making it up to him with a nice dinner..I better go check on it!