CD15...I hate Sundays

Sunday. I hate Sundays. Always have.

Sundays used to signal the end of the weekend and going back to school.
Then they used to signal going back to work and uni.
Now they signal DH going back to work and our last night together for another week.

Nothing to report on the TTC front.
We have DTD CD10, 12, 13 & 14. Might go for 15 tonight if we aren't too tired. Definately hit CD16 tomorrow before DH leaves.

We have done all we could. Used sperm friendly lube, DTD in the 'ultimate' baby making positions and I have tried to elevate for at least 15-20 minutes afterwards.

Now it is up to my body...-insert hysterical laughter here-

Fat chance. I have no hope for this cycle, or any other until we reach IVF.

I have a gut feeling that this will be our journey...we WILL end up on the IVF road. My gut feeling was right about there being something wrong with me, so lets see if this one is accurate.

Bring on our holiday. I need to get away.

Pity we have to come back....

busy, busy, busy

So its been a few days since I last updated.

I got over my rejection and we manged a quickie the next morning before I left for work. It's funny-here I was over reacting and really he was just tired! Hahaha! And when I said something the next morning about how I thought I might be ovulating..he's like 'why didn't you say something last night?' Men!

Today is CD14 and the O pains stopped by Friday morning...so not sure if I have O'd or not. No sign of any EWCM...just quite watery stuff. *shrugs* Who knows!?! Figure we will keep having sex until DH leaves on Monday afternoon...that covers CD12, 14 & 16 like the FS wants us to (plus afew more in between). Then we leave the rest up to the universe...

DH has gone all DIY on me and today was painting day. We have started painting our deck and I must say it makes a big difference! We have done the main area, just need to do afew fiddly bits and the lower deck area...and then we will tackle the front deck. Need to get some more paint though.

Also did some gardening yesterday...well actually I just potted up some herbs that I bought ages ago at the markets, plus a few other plants that have been sitting there for quite a while. Hoping this new lot of herbs survives. The last ones I had all died except for the parsley!

I have been very slack with my uni work since DH has been home though. Naughty, naughty!! Have to try and get back into it once he leaves. I have an assignment due in about 10 days which I need to get cracking on! Have to try and get myself organised and ahead before we go away on holidays.

Our holiday is creeping up very quickly. We are both very excited and looking forward to our time away. I even bought some new togs for the occassion! Only a few more weeks and I will be lying on the beach in Fiji, soaking up the sun!!!

CD8

Last dose of Letrozole today!!

Side effects seemed to have eased off also, which I am very pleased about. No more headaches! Nausea isn't quite so bad either. Now let's hope it does what it's meant to do, and my body makes me a baby!!

Had a lovely day catching up with family for my grandma's birthday. She had a great day and was in really good spirits! She looks really well too which is fabulous. She was diagnosed with lung cancer several months ago now which was a bit of a shock to the family as my pop (her husband) died of cancer about 6 years ago. But she is strong and a fighter so we are all hopeful. 

Anyways, today was lovely. I even got my baby fix with my cousin's twins!! They are so adorable. They had their 1st birthday afew weeks ago. I can't believe how time flies!! Weirdly enough baby cuddles make me feel better, not worse! I just felt very peaceful sitting there holding them...

DH is home on Tuesday afternoon which is great. Feels like this past week has gone quite quickly despite how crap I was feeling for most of it. I am sure his week home will also fly. It's amazing how much we can fit into those days home. The frustrating part is that EVERYONE wants to catch up with him when he is home. Sort of insulting for me as I don't often hear from some of our friends when I am home by myself..only when DH is back.   Oh well...


Quiet night on the couch with the dog, before I kick my ass into gear tomorrow with uni work, housework and possibly grocery shopping...going to be a busy day!

ups and downs

CD21...somewhere in the TWW and doing my best not to let the crazies invade my headspace!!


Have had 2 days with heaps (and I mean heaps) of watery/lotiony CM. It's been enough to make my knickers wet...(keep forgetting a panty liner)


I am also having lots of crazy, vivid dreams...all seem so realistic too! I had a dream about POAS too which made me want to get up this morning and test...silly! But I held strong and didn't!!


All of this stuff could or couldn't be pregnancy related... Wish it was time to test..


Had a lazy start to the day and stayed in bed til lunch time. Was having a bit of a blaaah moment over some stupid stuff which made me want to stay in bed and have a pity party...BUT I got myself up and did the housework! Also printed out some uni stuff so I can get started on my first weeks readings. So I turned the day around, though nearly messed it up again when I spoke to DH this afternoon on the phone.


I am not sure why but I just started to get really cranky and upset with everything he was saying (and he definately WAS NOT saying anything awful). He was unimpressed and almost hung up on me...but didn't! The conversation picked up after my spin out thank goodness! DH's comment of course was 'maybe you're pregnant!' but I quickly told him not to get excited!


Hopefully booking our holiday next week. Just gotta sort out a few minor details!

CD15

We have almost made it through our BDing marathon..just need to get a session in tomorrow before DH leaves and we have covered CD12, 14 & 16 (along with CD10 & 11). Hopefully that covers all bases....and perhaps makes a baby?!?! (I can dream!)

FS tomorrow for my ulstrasound and to ask my hundreds of questions. I really want to know:

-how long will I be on Metformin (as my stomach is still not liking it)?
-how many cycles will we try Letrozole for?
-where to next if the drugs don't work?
-do I definately have PCOS (which I am hoping the u/s will reveal)?
-will I need a Lap done, and if so-when?
-can I have a CD21 blood test? (and for further cycles on Letrozole be monitored with u/s & BTs)?

I think that will definately satisfy me if I can get all of that answered and explained...

Can't believe DH is back to work tomorrow. His time home goes way too quickly. But hopefully his time at work will go just as fast and he will be home before I know it.

Friday night out was fun. I drank a bottle of wine which is unusual for me (not a big drinker) but I spaced it out over the evening so felt fine. The BBQ last night was cancelled so got to spend another night cuddled on the couch with DH watching movies which was fine by me! Today DH is working on his car...hopefully he will be done soon. We are still headed out to dinner tonight with my family. Looking forward to it. The restaurant is meant to be amazing. My sister is raving about it..and she is a chef, so it must be good!

Not much else. I must say I am enjoying the not caring about when I ovulate deal!! No stress! Just sex...hahahaha! Perhaps this is the 'relax' approach that everyone craps on about?!?! Oh well...if it gets me pregnant then I will be a very happy girl.

textbooks, sex & holidays

All is going to plan. Have had sex CD 10, 11 & 12...with no signs of stopping!!!

Well actually we are going out for drinks tonight...so I suppose it depends on how much DH drinks! I am happy if only end up getting 2 more sessions on CD14 & 16. I will be satisfied that we have tried our best!

Slept in this morning and then we headed down the beach to give the dog a run. It was sooooo windy down there, but nice to be out in the fresh air. No one was down there, so pretty much had the beach to ourselves! And because it was low tide...there was lots of room for doggy to run. He has such a great time!

Have spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. Nothing special..but gotta enjoy the time doing nothing as its going to be a busy few nights. Tonight we are off to dinner and drinks (though I think it will be more drinks) at a friends place.  This friend of DH's can drink..alot...and when DH is with him..he likes to drink...alot. So it will be interesting to say the least!

Tomorrow we are off to a BBQ (and drinks) at another friends place. This will be a lot more low key..and hopefully a few less drinks! Then Sunday night we are headed out for dinner with my family for a belated birthday celebration for my sister. I think its going to be food and alcohol overload this weekend!!

Uni starts in a week and a bit. I am excited and nervous all at once! I have ordered all my textbooks, so just need to wait for them to arrive. There goes almost $400!! But its an investment and I will be able to claim it next year on my tax return..so it's not so bad I suppose. Don't think DH was very impressed...but he knows it will be worth it in the long run!

We are also trying to organise a holiday!! So exciting as our last holiday was in 2006! I am also still waiting for a honeymoon..so this very well could be it! DH has decided that he is tired of postponing and putting it off. We will use our tax returns and take a short break away. Unfortunately DH doesn't have much holiday time available from work yet, so we will go away on one of his breaks back home. We figure 5-6 days break is better than nothing, and we have both most definately earnt it!! Getting some quotes at the moment, but at the moment we are looking at Bali. It's cheap, not too far away and we can beach it up and go shopping!!
It will be happening in the next few months and I can't wait!!!!

PS sorry for smilie overload..but I miss them when I blog on my phone!

side effects...

I wrote a massive post yesterday morning, but BlogPress ate it..


Today is day 5 of taking my newly prescribed meds. Tomorrow is the last day of taking the Letrozole. And then I suppose its fingers crossed that it does what its meant to do...


The Letrozole seems to be causing hot flushes (though its not on and off..I'm just hot all the time), and some mood swings and headaches.


The Metaformin is apparantly known to cause stomach upsets...and this is definately the case for me.


-nausea
-diarhoea
-general 'off' feeling
-decreased appetite





Of course Metaformin has to be the drug that I take twice a day...and the one that I will be taking for however long the FS decides....


I want to thank my lovely TTCers for a great night out. Nani, Shel & GreenSprout -great to share a night of cocktails, commisserations and lots of laughs! Special thanks to GreenSprout for her hospitality!

DH is home on Tuesday! So we will be getting busy...not that I actually think anything will happen this month (we do not have that sort of amazing luck) but it can't hurt.

CD2

Well I survived the night...Still pain this morning but not as crippling as last night. The Advil seems to be doing the trick now and keeping the pain at bay (at least for 4 hours at a time). Will give the heat pack another burl tonight and see how I go.


DH has gone back to work. I am feeling really bummed about it.  I think I'm just feeling emotional about everything at the moment. Need to work out how to pull myself out of this slump.


Back to work tomorrow. Hoping AF has eased slightly as I will be busy making last minute arrangements for mid term orientation. Hoping I can get through the next 2 days at work without too much drama..I just want it to be Wednesday afternoon and time for my FS appointment.


Gotta work out all the questions I want to ask him...still haven't written my list.  Where to start?? How about-how come I haven't fallen pregnant yet?????? I keep having visions of myself falling apart during the appointment...I don't wanna do this. I don't want to cry to the FS.


 to all my new followers. I am sorry I have been slack with the welcome. It's been a bit dramatic around here...so hello and thanks for reading! I think I am following all your blogs, but if not..let me know!

CD1..starting our 13th cycle of TTC

The title says it all.

AF hit this morning. It's bad. Really heavy and really bad cramps.
Ouch.

Still not on the up and up yet. Perhaps after my FS appointment Wednesday when I have some perspective...but right now I am content to wallow.

DH goes back to work tomorrow. Not looking forward to that. It would be nice if he would be around for the FS appointment. I have a feeling I will want a shoulder to cry on and some massive cuddles. Guess I will just have to settle for his voice over the phone...

Trying to keep busy and distracted. Went and picked up our dining room table and chairs yesterday!! It's been sitting at friends place for about 6 months now (we are buying it from her). I am in love. Its a gorgeous square table with 4 chairs. Only smallish but with the space we have for it...its perfect. We have never had a dining room table before, so it's abit of a novelty!! Infact I am sitting at it now with my laptop. I think this will become my study area once uni starts...

Out to lunch with my sister and her boyfriend today. Mexican..my favourite! So I can gorge on lots of yummy food...mmmmmm.

Not much else.

Thanks to my wonderful girls. Your thoughts, kind words and virtual hugs mean the world to me. How would I survive all this without you?

CD15..back in civilisation

Here I am, back in the land of technology! I survived 2 nights out in the wilderness without phone reception, toilets or showers...


The BDing marathon didn't quite go to plan (as I thought). We missed Friday night (first night out camping) due to DH being too drunk.... He made up for it Saturday morning though...which I suppose is better than nothing!


Camping was an adventure, to say the least. We went with another couple (a guy DH works with and his girlfriend-lets call them J & A) and had picked out a nice spot about 50 minutes away from home. Left Friday arvo and arrived there just before 5. Turns out you are not allowed to have campfires there...so after a short debate we decided that wasn't going to work...(we didn't want to freeze!). The guy told us about a spot about 20 minutes back up the road that allows campfires, so we decided to hightail it back there before it got dark.


We had been given directions and followed them to the dirt road which had a sign advertising the campsite. Followed this for ages and wound up in what looked like someones front yard...a derilict house, lots of cars, some dirty faced kids running around...and then we saw the sign for camping.....


A guy came out and took our money and let us know that we could camp anywhere beyond the gate. We were a little reluctant, but figured we needed to set up camp somewhere as it was getting dark quite fast. The grotty faced kids opened the gate (one of them had a mullet....) and away we went. As we drove along the dirt track we were looking around and my first comment to DH was 'some of these tents look permanent'....he agreed. We decided to drive right to the end of the road and things just started looking weirder....more and more what looked like a cross between tents and dodgily made extensions with fences around them, a circle of about 12 tents that were all matching...brand new mercedes parked outside 'permanent' tents....it just didn't add up! We found a spot right at the back, away from the other people and we all hopped out of the cars to take a look. Next thing we know one of our 'neighbours' comes strolling over and tells us that this isn't the public campgrounds and we needed to go back up the other way.....OK.......


Drove back up the other way and took a closer look at everything...it all clicked....this was some kind of hippy commune (or a cult?!?). We were all a little freaked out and found a spot way up the other end near what looked like 'regular' people. Figured it would do for one night and we could pack up early and go somewhere else the next day.


The boys were making lots of jokes about the hippies coming to get us etc etc...it seemed to be the running theme for the night. Once we were set up it was ok. We had a fire, we had alcohol, we had food...all set!


We were all in agreeance to move on the next day though..DH's mate realised that we could have gone to his parents empty block of land (out whoop whoop) and camped there. So we had a plan for the next day...


The one good thing about this place was it had toilets for us females...though we were a little wary of making the walk to the toilet block once it got dark.


Up fairly early the next morning..boys were feeling a little rough but a greasy breakfast helped.  Packed up and hightailed it out of the hippy place...we thought the owner was going to stop us as we drove through the gate..but he just looked at us! Very weird...
We headed out to the block. Was around another 30 minutes from where we were. The boys dropped us off and decided they needed to head home for supplies (mainly a shovel to clear a fire area and a chainsaw to cut some firewood). Our job was to figure out where to set up the tents....but we decided we needed to sit in the sun and warm up first...Felt like the guys were gone for hours but they eventually made it back with shovel, chainsaw, more beer and one of J's guns!


We flattened out the spot we had picked for the tents and set up camp. All this and it was only 12:30!! The afternoon was spent eating, drinking, playing cards...the boys went into the bush to play with the gun and J came back with a pigeon...DH was very jealous...(how strange boys are..).


Once the sun started setting, it got REALLY cold!  Lots of layers of clothing required..but even huddling around the fire didn't quite warm us up! The boys set up some cans for target practice and it ended up in a 'lets teach Kate' how to shoot lesson...which was suprisingly quite fun!!  I even hit the can a few times!!!! Go me!!

Didn't have quite as big of a night...I think we were all too cold. I had a terrible nights sleep..couldn't get warm and I had to keep getting up to pee....not fun doing this when it's dark and freezing!!!! This is definately the biggest downside of camping!

It was great to get home and have a shower and use a real toilet!!

I think we decided that we won't go camping in winter again!! Hahahaha...even DH was cold and he never gets cold!

Kept up our BDing marathon and went for it again yesterday once we had gotten home (and showered) of course! Hoping to get one more session in before DH flies off this afternoon. Can't believe 7 days has gone by so quickly. Oh well..hopefully he will be home again just as quickly...

I am not feeling confident about this cycle...It would be wonderful if this was it for us, but I don't think that we have caught the egg..infact I don't even know if I have ovulated yet. I have had some cramps since last night...but I haven't been checking my CM. Also my boobs have been a little sore too...

Now all we can do is hope for the best.

CD12..off to bond with nature!

Well we are off on a wild adventure soon! Hahahahaha...have bought up on supplies and packed lots of winter woolies. Hopefully with a nice big fire going we won't freeze!

Day 3 of BD marathon is done and dusted...today is day 4. Was hoping to get some in before we left for camping, but I think I will just have to persist with it the next 2 nights in the tent...LOL DH and I were talking about it this morning and he's like 'imagine telling our child that they were conceived in a tent...' I cracked up. 

On an exciting note, DH broke my computer more (now the CD/DVD drive won't work) so I ordered a new laptop last night!!! YAY!! Plus he bought a router so we have wireless now, which means once my new computer comes I can sit in bed and surf the net! Hehehehe..can't wait. I am getting a Dell and have ordered it in red! 

Being the technology addict that I am....I am hoping that I will get phone reception out there so that I can keep up to date with my TTC buddies. I am hoping that Shel will be announcing some good news in the next few days and I don't want to miss it! Hahaha..I have also convinved DH to let me take his laptop and mobile internet with me...back up plan! Let's hope we don't end up too far out in the sticks!  

CD11...the BD marathon continues!

So, I have finally made it onto my computer!!! Decided to make the most of DH playing on his laptop...hahaha.

Another work week over..let the weekend begin!

We are off camping tomorrow afternoon for 2 nights with some friends. It should be fun but freezing! Also, its going to be interesting to see if we can continue with our BD marathon in a tent....LOL with another couple in a tent nearby...we will either have to be very quiet...or just be drunk so that we don't care if they hear us!! Or perhaps a stroll in the moonlight?!?!


Either way, I am determined that we will see this marathon through!!!!!! 


So camping will take up the majority of the weekend..and the rest will be recovering from camping! The worst part is coming home and unpacking everything. DH has so much camping gear...which is good I suppose as we are prepared! Bought an ipod dock/speakers so we can have some music while we are out there..it runs off batteries. It actually sounds pretty decent surprisingly!


Not much else happening...I am thinking O isn't far away as my face has started to break out (damn you hormones) and have been feeling a few pains in the ovary area...so hoping it will happen in the next day or 2! Go body go!!!!!!


Sending some positive vibes Shel's way...hoping she comes back from her weekend away with  BFP!!!!!! All the signs are looking good..and her chart is amazing!


Lots of hugs go out to GS and Nani too. 2 very amazing women, who I feel privileged to have in my life.

CD10...negative musings

Here I am again on my phone. I apologise for lack of colour and smilies but I don't seem to get on the computer much when DH is home! He starts to crack the shits that I am spending more time on the computer than with him! Haha such a big baby sometimes. So all I can say is thank goodness for my iPhone!!

At work as usual and bored..what else is new!? Though I have lots to do as they have dumped the organisation of mid year orientation into my lap...which is on in about 3 weeks...love getting advanced notice! Oh well..I will get there. Just use the stuff from beginning of the year...

I want to send some love and hugs out to 2 of my fellow TTCers. Nani and GS. Both are having a hard time of late and are struggling with the many emotions that TTC instills. It just isn't fair sometimes..I don't know what else to say. I knowi probably sound likea whinging child, but seriously how is any of this fair?!? I know the girls already know this but want to reiterate that I am here for them,I care and I am thinking of them. I hope the universe stops messing around and gives them what they want so badly...SOON!

I am feeling very hopeful for Shel. Temps are looking good and though it's early days still, I have a good feeling. I so hope that this is her month. I know she is worried as to how it will affect the rest of us, but I think we will all be so happy for her that it won't be painful. I am looking forward to sharing in her pregnancy journey and living vicariously through her until I finally fall pregnant!

Not feeling quite so optimistic about our chances this cycle. I have a feeling that no matter how often we BD this time, it's still not going to knock me up! I have always had a feeling that there is something wrong which is preventing me from falling PG and to be honest I still have this feeling. I don't think the HyCoSy was the solution to our problems and feel that I still have a LONG road to travel before I will get a BFP. To be very honest and vey depressing I keep thinking another 8-12 months...not sure why but this keeps popping into my head.

I am happy to be proven wrong, but I have an awful feeling that we are not close to the finish line...

But we will try. We will try a BDing marathon and do it every day while DH is home. We will use the imitation preseed that I bought and hope for the best. I will even be a POAS addict and use up the cheapo HPTs that are waiting in the cupboard. But I will not put my life on hold anymore. I am going to have a drink (or 4) if I want to. I will (try) not to obsess over every twinge and pain over the next 2 weeks.

I do plan...if this cycle is another epic failure on my bodies behalf, that I will be having cocktails...lots of them...enough to numb the hurt and make me feel very happy...enough to have a good time and forget about TTC..if only for the night.

CD9...hubbys home!!

DH is home!!! Or very close to it hopefully!!! I am so excited and have barely been able to contain myself at work today! So annoying that he gets back at the start of my work week..but not much I can do about that.

I am slowly building up excitement about this cycle..see told you I sucked at not getting my hopes up. I am just hoping my body behaves itself and ovulates within the next 7 days while DH is home. I think we will try and BD every day for the whole time he is home. Cover all bases this way. I know we will be tired by the end of it but seeming DH has been away for a week I am sure we can handle it! At the least I don't think DH will complain...

So we are all set really. I am not temping or using OPKs. Just relying on my bodies signs. Hopefully it will be loud and clear! I think I should know the signs by now...been reading them long enough.

Well I think I will give myself a little bit of an early mark and head home to hubby!

CD6..girl stuff

Had my mani/pedi done today. Being pampered was such a nice way to spend part of my day! 

I didn't realise that a nice hand massage plus a lovely leg and foot massage was part of the deal! Not to mention the awesome shiatsu massage chair you get to sit in while they do the pedicure...bliss!! So now I have lovely silver finger and toe nails!

Something I would definately suggest trying out if you haven't already done so...and something that I may just go back for another go!

Did some shopping with my sister after we had finished our pampering, grabbed some lunch and then came back home to watch movies. Have had a really great day.

I am absolutely shattered though...I woke up at 4:30am this morning (after only going to bed at 12am) and COULD NOT go back to sleep!!! So I am just about ready for bed and it's not even 7pm yet! Pretty sad for a Saturday night...

So DH still assumes he is coming home Tuesday! Don't think he has got his flight details yet..but they were slack doing that last stint too. I am keeping everything crossed that he will be home...I honestly don't know how I will cope with another wasted cycle if they make him stay longer. It would push me right over the edge.

CD4...and I niked!

AF is almost gone! Glad to see the back of her for another month..or maybe 9?!?! (wishful thinking on my part..)

I did something scary today..well it's not actually scary. I am just scared and excited and nervous all at once about it!

C'mon out with it..what did I do?!?!?!

I applied to go back to uni!!!  

I think I must be a little bit crazy to be doing this...but I have been debating this over and over in my head since last year and well...I finally took the plunge!!

I have applied to do psychology. This is going to take me forever because first I have to do a graduate diploma (as I already have a non-psychology related degree) then I have to do honours or a post graduate diploma...and then I can gain probationary registration and either do 2 years of supervised work or complete a masters or doctorate so I can become a registered psychologist.

To start the grad dip is going to take me 2 years part time (no way I could handle full time while working). Honours or a postgrad dip is another 2 years part time and then a masters can be up to another 4 years part time!!!!! 8 YEARS!!!!!! But it will be well worth it in the end. And it's something to focus on rather than the lack of babies in my life.

So now I have to see if I get a place. There are 2 universities that offer this externally which means I do it all at home. I have only applied at one of the unis and will wait to see the outcome. Figure its always good to have a backup plan though!

So that's my exciting/scary news. Despite being scared and nervous, I am actually looking forward at getting back into some study. I feel like my brain is turning to mush. Will admit that I am shit scared about writing essays again though...UGH! Oh well, will deal with all of this when/if I get in!

This entry is very lacking in TTC info, but there is nothing much to say. DH should be home Tuesday. Haven't heard otherwise but it's usually a last minute decision when they change his roster. Please keep your for me that nothing changes and he gets to come home...Would be nice to get a shot at making this much wanted baby of ours!