nowhere...

AF has gone. I'm not even excited or counting down days til I ovulate. There's no point. I am at a loss as to what we can do now.

I spoke to DH about it. He is quite dissapointed that he won't be around at the right time for the next few months, but as he said he can't just quit work. *sigh* if only it was that easy!!!

I will have the HyCoSy done on Monday, at DH's insistance! I wanted to cancel as I didn't see the point, but he said I should have it done. But I won't go back to the FS in July if I am still not UTD. I feel it would be a waste of time and money. I honestly don't think the FS will go any further if we tell him we weren't having sex at optimal times. I also think that this procedure isn't going to fix anything and that it's something more serious and far more time consuming to fix...if it can be fixed at all. Don't ask me why, I just have a gut feeling.

So here we are. Cycle 11. Doing nothing. It doesn't feel good. I feel lost. I feel sad. 

It's like our baby dreams are fading and each day I get closer to thinking that these dreams are not ones we will be able to fulfill. 

I know thats depressing and dreay, but its how I am feeling about this whole thing right now. I know I will be told to stay positive and it will happen when the times right..blah blah blah, BUT I can't accept that. 

IT SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD. IT SHOULDN'T BE SO PAINFUL. IT JUST SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS FULL STOP!

 *sorry for the 'me' post...