where to next?!?!

Monday, May 10, 2010

HyCoSy has been done. It was not as bad as I expected. Quite uncomfortable as the doctor inserted the tube, and I started cramping as soon as it was in (which is normal). Felt like bad period cramps. I did take 2 advil before the appointment (as suggested) which probably helped ease the pain and discomfort. 

For me, it was more uncomfortable having the doctor sitting there holding this tube in me, filling it with the dye and then the assistant who was working the ultrasound machine and holding the ultrasound wand inside me and moving it around...women don't get much dignity! LOL

As more dye was inserted, more cramping would come and go. It was a weird feeling when it all started to trickle back out...eww! 

I got to see my uterus and ovaries up on a big TV screen..not that I could really make out what the doctor and her assistant were talking about to each other! It all looked like nothing!! The doctor was absolutely lovely. Kept asking me if I was ok and explained each step of the process. 

Once she got the photos printed out she came and spoke with me. She can't see anything wrong. The tubes weren't blocked, couldn't see any pollyps or cysts anywhere and my ovaries seemed fine. She gave me the pictures to take home and a report will be sent to me and to the FS in the next few days.

The frustrating thing is, I still have no answer as to why I am not pregnant yet!!!! At least if she had of found something then there would be a reason why I am not UTD, but to be told everything is fine just makes me feel worse! (I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I just want to know 'why').

I'm still feeling lost. After all these months of charting and temping and using OPKs and counting cycle days...I'm doing absolutely nothing. And it's not relaxing or giving me a chance to de-stress. It's just making me think of the clock ticking closer and closer to the 12 month mark. All I can think of is I'm not pregnant, and so far there is no reason why I shouldn't be. I am no closer to getting any answers. The FS won't see me again until July, and thats if I decide to go. 

I know he mentioned that the next step would be stimulation drugs. Well there is no point having drugs if DH is not home at the right time to have sex. It's all about timing when you start things like that. 

I feel like lying on the ground and having a massive toddler tantrum. All that runs through my mind is 'its not fair!!' over and over again. Sometimes this is accompanied by 'when is it my turn?' and of course my favourite, 'what's wrong with me?'....

It's getting closer to SIL being able to announce her pregnancy to everyone too. That is going to cut deep. I can just imagine the constant facebook updates...She is already putting up not so subtle ones now. It can only get worse. I feel like deleting her, but I know that will just cause problems. Hrmm..one day I should probably dedicate a post to her so everyone understands what I have put up with for almost 8 years...

Well, I am off to bask in my own pity and miserableness. While I'm at it, perhaps I should go and eat worms?!!?