the ups and downs

A better day today. I think because I wasn't at work!

Couldn't sleep again last night. Don't think I dropped off til about 1am. Ended up sleeping til 8. I would have slept longer but was woken up by my phone ringing. Almost didn't answer it in my groginess, but realised it was the ring tone for DH calling. So all was forgiven. I reckon it took about 10 minutes before I was talking sense to him though!! LOL

Went and had my eyebrows done. They were so feral! I feel a lot better after I have them done. And..I have booked in to get my hair done next week!! I have decided to take the plunge and actually have some sort of colour or foils or something done!!!! Very excited as I have never done anything to my hair but have it cut. I decided it was time for a change and perhaps it will make me feel good too! 

I spent the afternoon with my mum and sister. Always nice. We went out for lunch and did some shopping. It's good because unless my sister starts harping on me about when am I going to have a baby, then I don't think about our TTC dramas! Today was good-she didn't mention it!!! 

Am meant to be catching up with friends tonight, but am feeling tired again. Think I might bail on them..I feel bad as I haven't seen either of them in ages, but I always have to go to them. It's starting to become a little annoying as it would be nice if they made the effort to come to my house. Especially seeming one of them hasn't been here yet!! We have been here over a year now, so it's a little sad...

Am excited about tomorrow. I am actually going to meet some of my wonderful FB girls!! There are about 5 of us that live relatively close to each other. It's going to be great to see each other face to face after talking to each other for so long online. Though I do feel like I know them all quite well after sharing this journey! You tend to be very open and honest.

I am also catching up with 2 lovely ladies that I used to work with after my morning with the FB girls. I haven't seen them for about 6 months so it's going to be wonderful to catch up with both of them also. We make a funny group as I am only 25, one of the ladies is around 60 and is a grandma and the 3rd lady is mid 30's. We all get along really well though-I don't even think about the age gaps! We all had desks by each other when we worked together and used to debrief a lot after stressful times at work. I don't think I would have survived my last job without them!! 

I am feeling a little better than the past few days. Still down, but working my way back up and out of that hole. A few of my FB girls have mentioned that they don't think the termination could have affected my ability to fall pregnant. That brings a slight relief, but I suppose it's just one of those irrational thoughts that pops into your mind and you can't let it go! I think I am worried about it because the FS did ask about it....perhaps he knows something I don't?!? 

I also had some advice from a lovely lady on BH who has spent many years TTC and has been down the road of Fertility Specialists and different treatments. My journey so far seems slight in comparison to what she has been through! This was her message to me...

I was going to suggest IUI and you did anyway....

I think its the only way forward for you and totally understand the whole working away thing. If you FS wont do it go to another one. I have learnt when it comes to your own fertility you have to demand what you want and if they wont give it to you go to sombody who can. They dont have all the answers and they are not god. You could try QFG in Brisbane.. Warren DeAmbrosis will do it...he is an out of the box thinker.

If its one thing I can pass onto you its this.... Dont always trust and blindly follow your FS. You need to take your own fertility into your hands. Its that simple. Its all up to you... dont let anybody tell you you are too young, your need for a baby is the same as sombody my age (35). Go for it girl... get out there and get pregnant.

I like this advice!!! I think I am looking at the FS as the all knowing doctor who has all the answers, but my BH friend is right..they don't!!! 

I have decided that I will wait it out until July like he said. If I am not pregnant by then, and we are still having issues with DH's roster then I will go back. Will listen to his plan of attack and then explain our difficulties with DH being away and ask if we can jump to IUI. If it's a no, then I go back to my GP and get a referral for someone else. Simple?!?!

I will need to discuss this with DH first obviously. I am not sure what his reaction would be to IUI...But I think even if he is wary I can bring him round. He knows how much this means to me and how difficult it's become. I am sure he won't mind, especially if we get the happy outcome of a baby! I will wait until he's home. Not the kind of conversation I want to have with him over the phone. In the mean time I can do some research so I can explain the process properly to him.

Wow. I never thought it would come to this. Never in a million years would I have thought that we would be looking at fertility treatments. Not even in my wildest dreams. But I suppose no woman ever does. It's almost something you take for granted, thinking 'I will be able to have children one day..when I'm ready'. NOT TRUE!!!! 

I wish they would have told you all this in health class at school!!! All they did was tell you that it's so easy to get pregnant, and all it takes is ONE time without protection...*rolls eyes* They never mentioned that it needed to be at a specific time of the month and that the egg only survives for a few hours...They made it out like you could get pregnant with thesnap of a finger!!!!! Very unrealistic. Scare tactics I suppose. 

If only it were that simple!!!