Sunday, June 6, 2010

Right..this is going to end up being quite long winded, but to understand the problem I need to give some background. But I don't blame you if you give up and stop reading!! This is more to get it out of my head than anything else anyways.

So..I had this friend. She might have even been my best friend at one stage. We have known each other since primary school and went right through high school together. Fast forward through time...a few years out of school and we are still friends. We even worked together at one stage. Spent a lot of time together, helped her through a major break up (of her first long time boyfriend). She was even welcome to come out and do stuff with me and my DH (DF back then)...there was no awkwardness of her being a third wheel or anything. Life was good. 

Fast forward again to organising my wedding. Of course she would be one of my bridesmaids. She was excited for me. Came dress shopping with me once, but didn't get overly involved in the plans..which was fine.

Skip again to about a month before my wedding. DH and I decide to hire an apartment for a night so we can go out and have somewhere close to stay so we don't have to drive. End up inviting my friend to come along and also my sister and her boyfriend end up stopping by after they finish work that night. We have a few drinks there before we start getting ready to go out. DH and I had a mini fight while getting ready as he made some mean comment about my outfit (which was new) and I took offense. Stopped talking to each other for a while (as we started walking to the club we were headed to) but got over it and made up. Stop for a toilet break along the way and when I come out notice that my friend has continued walking (not waiting for the rest of us). When we call out to her she ignores us. DH and I run to catch up to her and when we ask whats wrong she tells us to piss off and leave her alone. 

Completely confused to this as we have no idea what's going on and why she's acting like this. She won't slow down and keeps walking. Try to talk to her but she just yells at me to leave her alone. Let her go so I can tell my sister whats going on. Her and her boyfriend say they will walk with her and see if they can find out what's going on. DH and I decide to head back to the apartment..the mood for going out is spoilt.

As we walk back I try to call my friend but she won't answer her phone. Call my sister who has caught up with the friend and says she is in tears. My sister is abit shitty by this stage as she wanted to have a fun night and decided she didn't want to be stuck babysitting my friend. She eventually gets out of the friend that she has called her dad and he is going to come and pick her up. (note: it was 1am and her parents lived a good 40 minute drive from where we were). Tell her that we are headed back to the apartment and she says she will stop by and get her stuff as she wants to go home. 

DH and I are still completely clueless as to what has set this all off. She didn't have to call her dad. She could have come back to the apartment, gone to bed and left in the morning...

We are still about a 10 minute walk from the apartment when a car pulls up. It's the friend with her dad. She jumps out of the car, storms over to us and demands the key for the room so she can get her things. Totally speechless, DH handed her the key (looking back in hindsight I wish he hadn't done that until we were offered a lift), she jumps back in the car and they drive off!!!! Now we were not just confused, but pissed off! She could have offered us a lift...

We finally make it back and she is waiting at the downstairs entrance, thrusts the key at us and leaves. 

To top off the night my sister calls later to say they are coming back to get their things and they are going home too. We end up having a massive fight about the whole evening. 

I go to sleep in tears and the next day go to see my mum at work to tell her the whole sorry story as I believe I have lost BOTH my bridesmaids a month before my wedding. I cry to mum and of course she comforts me and says that it will all work out. She is confused as to why my friend had acted the way she did. The only thought she could offer was that it was too much for her being around 2 couples and that the alcohol brought out a depressed side of her...making her realise she didn't have a boyfriend, which hurts more when your closest friend is getting married. 

I leave it for a day and then decide to broach with caution. I figure a text is the safest bet to start. All I say is I'm sorry about the other night, but wondering if we can talk about what happened as I am a little confused. Her reply is something along the lines of I should know what I did. 

I have no anwer for that...I figure leave it another few days and let her get over it and surely she will be in contact...


I get a text a few days before my hens night saying she wants to take me out for lunch (on the day of the hens night). I agree. We spend a whole day together (and then the whole night for the hens) and she does not bring up the horrible evening once. 

She doesn't apologise. She acts as if nothing has happened and she hadn't dissapeared out of my life for almost a month! I was too scared to bring it up, as I didn't want to rock the boat so close to the wedding. But was still quite hurt. She acted funny that night at the hens and ended up going off with a friend that she ended up running into while we were out...I didn't see her for the rest of the night. 

Then didn't hear from her until the day before the wedding. We ended up having the bridal party round at mum and dads for dinner. She turned up late and announced to everyone that a friend of ours had sent her a suicide text the night before (this was literally as soon as she walked in the door). The rest of the night went ok, but she then says she won't be meeting us at the hairdressers the next morning and will just come later on to mums place (where we were getting ready) for the makeup. 

I let it go as I didn't want anything to spoil my wedding day. She was fine on the day as far as I knew (but my sister later told me that she kept making comments during the photo session after the wedding and sighing and complaining about the amount of photos we had done of us as a couple). She also pretty much ditched me at the reception (to try and chat up the grooms men) and I barely saw her for the evening. So much for having bridesmaids to get me some food and drink or even help me to the loo with my dress...Though I suppose the worst part was she wasn't nearby when I had the altercation with SIL (which caused me to burst into tears and run away and hide.

Anyways, the next worst part was after the wedding she was then trying to play the 2 groomsmen off against each other. Was not impressed with that as they are both lovely guys, good friends of DH and mine and I didn't like the games she was playing. Grooms men of course wised up to her games and she didn't get either of them! 

After the wedding we drifted further apart and didn't see each other as much. It was sad, but inevitable I suppose after what had happened. She then started seeing a guy (who I met once and knew he was BAD news). This made it even harder to see each I didn't want to say too much about the guy..but he is all she wanted to talk about. I was worried it would end badly as he had just broken up with his g/f of 6 years who he had bought a house with and was in the process of selling..they had only been broken up a few weeks when my friend started seeing him!! Yikes!! 

Fast forward about 5 months..we had only seen each other a handful of times when I get a text from her informing me that she and him had bought a house together and she couldn't wait for me to see it! OMG!!! First thought to mind is fools rush in! Kept putting off going and seeing the house as I didn't think I could keep my mouth shut. Fast forward another 3 months or so and I get a text inviting me and DH to their house for 'drinks and nibbles' the following weekend. DH and I don't want to go...

DH's grandfather dies a few days later and he jumps on a plane to NZ for the funeral. I can't go as I am due to start a new job the next day. I get a phonecall from her the Wednesday before her drinks. Asks if we are coming and I explain whats happened and that we won't make it. She then goes nuts. Proceeds to tell me that they are engaged and this is their engagement party (nice to tell people that when you invite them to something). Starts saying that she was so supportive when I got married and that she was very hurt that I wasn't making an effort. 

I was not impressed. I was tired. It was 8pm at night and I was driving home from work (home mind you was over an hour away and I was meant to finish at 5pm). I was upset about DH's grandfather and the fact that I couldn't be there with him. I was pissed that she was saying she was supportive of me and my wedding after what had happened. I was also not impressed for her playing a guilt trip on me..

She ended up hanging up on me while she was yelling and carrying on. I called her back to try and sort stuff out once and for all..but she would not let me speak..just kept yelling. So I gave up. 

She then rang DH and ranted to him about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not cool. She was trying to get him to 'side' with her. He didn't fall for it obviously.

And that was pretty much it. I didn't want a bar of someone who did stuff like this. Didn't hear from her. I didn't try to contact her either. 

That was 2008. 

Back to now and she has contacted DH on facebook. She has broken up with the fiance and they have had to sell the house. She is now living back with her parents and feeling very sorry for herself. Told DH she misses me. 

DH keeps telling me I should contact her and speak with her. 
I am not so sure...feel very wary. I don't want to dredge up the past. It's over and done with. 
I feel sorry for her, coz its a shit thing to have happen...but I knew it would end badly...
I kind of want to talk to her. She was a good friend (before all the crazy stuff) and we have known each other a long time.
But I don't want someone in my life who can just turn like that...I still to this day dont know what went wrong that night we went out. 
I don't need stuff like that in my life. 

I have taken one step and added her on facebook. Waiting to see if she makes contact. I figure if I haven't heard anything in a few days then I might send her a private message saying I heard what had happened and I'm sorry to hear. 

Not quite ready to extend the olive branch of a catch up, but interested to see whether I get a response or whether she was bull shitting DH to get attention from him?!?!

So I'm confused...Do I want my old friend back, or is it all better left in the past?

Sorry this is so long and confusing...I am amazed if anyone reads this through and isn't completely lost!