flat lining...

Back from the wedding but I'm feeling really flat still.

Seeing my cousin with her twins all dressed up was so bittersweet. I love those 2 little bubs so much and I adore spending time with them...BUT it makes me ache for a baby of my own and brings me down wondering where my little miracles are.

SIL's due date is looming closer. She is due on the 6th December. 2 days before EPU. I hope we don't get cancelled or something around then..because if she has her baby and then I lose my shot at being pregnant before 2010 is over...well I'm going to be a big, fat mess. It will be bad enough if I get a BFN and then I will be expected to see her (and baby) on Christmas Day. I don't think I will be able to face her if I am not pregnant.

Ugh...I want my positiveness back. I'm trying to dig deep but it's not happening.

It's probably because IVF is happening so very soon. I have a million thoughts and emotions running through my head at all hours of the day (and night).

I am:

-nervous
-excited
-anxious
-stresssed, and
-scared out of my mind...all at once.

I just want a baby. Is that really too much to ask?!?