Closure..sort of

Thursday, January 20, 2011

This morning I packed up all my pregnancy books, the pregnancy journal/organiser I bought (but never wrote in), and the other few baby items I had (including the lovely pressies Nani & GS gave to me early on). I placed them all in a plastic storage container and put them in one of the spare rooms upstairs. This room is meant to one day be a babys room. It was really hard putting all these things away, especially when I have waited so long to have them out and use them. But it was even harder having them all sitting around reminding me of what we have lost. I suppose it was closure in a sense. When we pay off the layby from Target all those things will go upstairs too so they are not a daily reminder. I did want to cancel the layby but DH would not let me. I think it is his way of staying positive and hoping that we will have a baby someday....

My pain has eased dramatically today which is such a relief. I was beginning to feel extremely miserable lying on the couch and barely being able to move. I even managed to get out of the house and do some grocery shopping with the help of my sister. So tomorrow I hope that my blood test shows my HCG level is at 0 and I can get on with recovering. I am beginning to feel a little bit better..not quite so tired and drained and listless. My appetite is slowly coming back too and I have colour back in my face.

I have sent DH off fishing with my sisters partner this afternoon. I think DH has been going stir crazy being stuck at home looking after me this week so it's nice for him to get out and enjoy himself. I am hoping that he makes plans with friends over the weekend too. I don't feel like socialising but I am happy for him to go out and have fun. Otherwise when he returns to work on Monday he will feel like he hasn't had a break at all.

Emotionally, I am still up and down. The crying seems to hit at random times when I least expect it. I am hoping I can control it a little better when I go back to work next week. Luckily next week I will work Tuesday then have Wednesday off (for Australia Day) and then work Thursday. A good week to ease myself into things slowly. A lot of people will still be on leave so I am also hoping that no one will notice if I am not quite my cheerful self. I suppose the being away sick for a week can help with this too...

Everyone has continued to be amazing. I forgot earlier in the week to send out a thank you to all my blogging buddies who have left messages of support for me. Most of these lovely ladies are going through their own hard times but spared a kind word and thought for me. I have also been receiving some lovely messages of support on Bub Hub and have been surprised at the number of people who have followed my story on this site...Ladies who I have never spoken to have been sending me lovely words of support and expressing their sadness for me. It's amazing how close you can feel to someone despite the possibility of being hundreds of kilometres away! Makes me feel very special.


Lauren said...

I'm glad your husband is holding on to hope and I'm glad you were able to talk to him about everything, even if it meant breaking down during redecorating. Mostly I'm just really glad you have all this support. I can't imagine what you're feeling and what you're going through, and I have deep admiration for your strength! Sending love!