Thursday, January 27, 2011

I survived my first week back at work...given it was only 2 days with a days break in between I suppose that isn't really much of an achievement...But it was hard for me so shhhh!

Now I have 4 days off. 4 days to wallow in self pity, cry, know all the usual exciting packed weekend activities. But seriously, this is probably what I will wind up doing, because I have noticed that people are actively avoiding me. I get that they don't know what to say and they may find it awkward..but it still hurts a little. Even if they can't face seeing me, a text or a phone call wouldn't go astray. Make me feel like I am still connected to the human race in some way at least. I know that if DH were home I would not be being avoided to this extent. Even his mate that LIVES with us is being weird. He is staying in his room and only coming out to use the bathroom, or if he is leaving the house. This is not what he usually does. We hang out, watch TV, eat dinner together...not anymore apparantly.

Other people are just silent. No texts, no calls, no invites to stuff over the weekend. Just SILENCE.

I know miscarriage is not talked about much and it's hard to know what to say to someone and you feel like anything you say can't convey how sorry you are, or you are scared of saying the wrong thing...but seriously! I'm the one going through it, living and breathing this crappy doesn't hurt people to step out of their comfort zone slightly to support a friend, does it? Am I expecting too much?!?!

To carry on with my ranting (because I am in a ranting mood)...I'm going to talk about Facebook (again). You know how I had the pregnancy annoucement the other day? Well the next day there it was...ANOTHER FREAKIN' PREGNANCY ANNOUCEMENT!!!! Seriously, how much can one girl take? This time it was from a girl I went to school with. A girl that has spent the 10 years since highschool ended, having sex with numerous men and getting high. Not much has changed since highschool actually...well except that she is pregnant! I do not understand the fairness of how fertility and infertility is dealt out...I mean who decides that crack whores and drug addicts get babies, and healthy babies at that? When there are good, decent people out there desperately trying to make a family...and they fail time and time again. It just isn't right.

I could scream and scream about the unfairness of this until the end of time...I really could. Because no one can ever give you an answer. No one thinks it's right that all these unsuitable people get to be parents, but cannot explain why it happens. It's just shit. Total shit.

Sorry for the blog is one of the only places where I can spit all this stuff out.