my bloody valentine

Monday, February 14, 2011

I spoke too soon about my useless body. My period arrived this morning. Happy Valentines to me! Unfortunately it's extremely heavy and painful, which is making me feel like I am miscarrying all over again. Needless to say this is not having a great effect on me psychologically...

I was a mess at work. I couldn't function. I couldn't focus. All I wanted to do was cry which of course I couldn't do. Worst possible timing for me to have a mini break down. Any other week and I could have called in sick and stayed home...but of course this week and next are the busiest week (which is why I am working every day) and I cannot afford to take a day off and get behind in all my organising. So I battled through and left only 15 minutes earlier than normal. I thought that was a very good effort on my part.

To top off my little emotional break down, I am extremely tired as I decided to wake at midnight to call DH and wish him a happy birthday before anyone else! Silly, I know...but he was thrilled that I thought of him.

Sleep deprived and an emotional wreck...great combo.

Still a month and a half until the new FS appointment. If my FS was any good I would be on my way to starting a FET cycle right now. Makes me sad to think that's not happening...that we are wasting another month, another chance. Time is really ticking away...Some people are still telling me that 'we're young' and that we 'have time' but seriously....I was 24 and DH was 25 when we started TTC and now I am 26 and he's just turned 27. Time is ticking by. We are getting older. If it takes us this long to conceive our first, who knows if it will be the same for the 2nd. I have always had it in my head that I wanted to have all my children before I turned 30. Now I would be satisfied to have 1 healthy baby in my arms before I hit 30.

Ha who am I kidding?!!? I would be satisfied to end up with 1 healthy baby.

2 comments:

The Life Tourist said...

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.

My Valentines Day is also "bloody" terrible.

My husband and I just finished our first round of IUI and didn't even make it to the test date. My cycle came early and so this V-day we're heart-broken but trying to continue moving forward. We've been TTC for 5 years.

Just wanted to reach out and say thanks for blogging and being so open. It's been very helpful knowing we're not alone.

New Year Mum said...

Sorry to hear about your Val day :( If it's of any help, I've learnt the hard way that conceiving straight after a miscarriage is not necessarily a good thing and I really wish that I hadn't gotten pregnant so quickly after my first miscarriage. I was just so desperate to be pregnant again that I went straight back to TTC - then after Gabrielle was stillborn 5 months later.... I found out the success of a pregnancy in the cycle immediately after a miscarriage is not good. I know this probably doesn't help with how you're feeling at the moment... but I guess you could look at this past month as a your body recovering and more likely to have a successful pregnancy in future. I wish with all my heart that I'd had that extra month to recover. This journey is bloody awful... the lows can be so low and then the highs sometimes only momentary. Thinking of you with all my heart and feel for you over these disappointing days. Wish you could get in to see you FS sooner :( Love always xoxo