In the dark

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Some days I feel like the pain of losing Bubble is easing. I can go about my normal day without feeling the hurt deep inside me, without tears, without anger. I can just be.

Other days it's a struggle. I cry, I rage..I think of all we are missing out on and wonder if we will ever get another turn. These days are hard work. Everything is a struggle. Getting out of bed is an effort and it just gets worse from there.

And then there are the times where you think it's a good day and all has gone well...BUT then the night time comes. Laying in bed ready to sleep and it hits me. All the emotions come flooding in. The tears start rolling down my face before I can even register the mountains of emotions and try to work through them.

Of course this only happens when I am all alone.

In desperate need of a hug and a shoulder to cry on and there is no one beside me.

It's just me against the world at times like this....and it sucks.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

6 comments:

Baby Hopes said...

I understand exactly what you are saying, and I can only imagine that it gets much more difficult the more time our little ones are with us. I'm so glad you have an appointment in two days. I'm sure you may have mixed feelings about it, but I do hope it brings you hope and a bit of respite from this pain. Thinking of you -

New Year Mum said...

Sending you a big virtual hug... so sorry that you have rough moments on your own sometimes. It's hard enough as it is without being alone. Thoughts and love to you xoxo

ifbyyes said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you your Bubble back.

Kimnus said...

Even though i am not going through IVF when i lost Jensen i felt the same as you.

I am sending you lots of hugs while you are going through this difficult time.

justine said...

I am so sorry for your loss ... sending you hugs. Grief takes time ... and it's important to let yourself feel what you're feeling, and be kind to yourself ... you are not alone, my friend, even when it feels that way.

Sushigirl said...

I'm sorry for your loss. After my IVF miscarriage it took months to work through everything. Gradually you do though, and start to have more good days than bad. Hope you're ok.