It's Here..almost!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

My appointment with the new FS is tomorrow. This is something I have been waiting on for the past 2 months and we made the decision to seek out a new doctor and clinic very soon after we lost Bubble. It seems like a lifetime ago and also like it was just yesterday. Time is such a funny thing.

The new doctor and clinic are not close by. It will be a good 1-1.5 hour drive down the highway to get there (depending on traffic). A far cry from the FS office 2 minutes drive from home and the clinic an easy 15 minute trip. I keep telling myself it will be worth it if this doctor can get us to our goal of a 'take home baby'. See my goal now is no longer just to get pregnant, because now I really know that just because you get pregnant, it doesn't always mean you get to take a baby home at the end of 9 months...

I am all organised for the appointment. I have typed up a very long list of questions and a time line of our TTC history with important dates etc. I figure this history might be useful if he hasn't looked at the files that have been sent or if there are gaps in the information. I also have my scan pics to share if they haven't been forwarded and of course my referral from the GP.

Despite being organised I am still nervous. Nervous of meeting this so called 'guru' who I have heard so many stories about. He is apparently a real straight shooter and will tell it like it is-no bull shit. He swears. He makes jokes. But best of all, he listens to his patients-really listens!!

I am very excited about this as I don't think my previous FS really listened or addressed all my questions and concerns. And once I got my BFP I felt like I was left to figure things out on my own and hope for the best..which instead turned into the worst and again I was left floundering and lacking the care I needed.

I also had a horrible nightmare last night about the appointment. It was so awful that I woke up in a cold sweat. And it felt so real!!

My dream pretty much played out all my worst fears..

-my mum and sister were with me..but my sister was pregnant!!
-he was running an hour behind with appointments and then when I finally got in there we only spoke for about 5 minutes and then he excused himself and left me waiting for another half hour
-he gave me vitamins to take and then decided to give me injections to start me off for another stim cycle
-when I told him I didn't need to do a stim cycle as we already had frozen embryos he told me it would take 3 months to transfer them from our old clinic

It's amazing what your sub-conscience brings out..can you tell I'm extremely stressed about the outcomes of this appointment?!?

So hopefully tonight doesn't bring another hideous nightmare and tomorrow brings some positive news to share and a step in the direction of a baby...


Lavender Luz said...

I hope things are going well for you today (or tonight, since we are on different parts of the globe), and that your subconscious did all the wrestling for you, leaving smooth sailing on your road to mommyhood.

ICLW #27

New Year Mum said...

FX'd for you all the way... hope he answers all your questions and brings you one big step towards your take-home baby :)) Great that this day has finally arrived for you and hoping it all goes well :) xoxo

Awaiting our miracle said...

I hope your appointment went well. I have been thinking of you today. Kim

Amanda said...

I hope this new FS offers you the fresh start you need. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I look forward to hearing how your appointment goes, good luck!