Today Was a Roller Coaster Ride

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My day was filled with ups and downs...not unusual in the life of an infertile I suppose...driving to work this morning I started thinking all kinds of awful stuff which almost had me in tears, and the day had hardly started!

Some of the random things running through my mind this morning...just so you can get an idea of the kind of head space I was in today...

-When I started bleeding, I had a scan and was told Bubble was only measuring at 5w5d. Today I thought back to what I was doing around the 5 week mark and realised we were out in the middle of nowhere camping...and 4WDriving. So then I start thinking what if this had something to do with losing our Bubble?!? What if I hadn't have gone camping?!? Would I still be pregnant?!?

-Then my thoughts jump to Christmas this year...there will be no baby. Last Christmas we had just got our BFP and spent the entire Christmas Day talking about next year and how we would have a little bub to buy for and to make the day all the more special...our first Christmas as a family of 3. And we have totally missed the boat for a 2011 baby now too...And then I decided that if I am not pregnant by Christmas this year-I am boycotting.

There was more..but these were the 2 main thoughts that seemed to dominate.

So I get to work feeling terrible and wanting to have a cry, but I soldiered on and was quite busy which was a good distraction. Then I remembered late this afternoon that I should call the new clinic and confirm Friday's appointment, plus check and see if they have received my file from the current FS.

So I call, and ask to confirm. The receptionist asks to put me on hold while she checks. I am on hold for 1 minute, then 2, then 3....listening to cheesy music and wondering what the hell is going on because surely it doesn't take that long to check. Of course my first thought is that they have lost my booking. Finally after almost 5 minutes she's back and telling me that they may have to move my appointment due to an emergency surgery or something. Inside my mind I am screaming 'NOOOOOOOOOO...I've waited 2 months for this' but I managed to keep my cool, confirm my contact number and ask about my files before the phone conversation ends.

Luckily, about 30 minutes later she called back.

Confirmed my appointment for Friday @ 12:45pm AND confirmed that they had received my file!!!

Cue sigh of relief and downwards spiral from hysteria!!!

So we are all systems go for Friday. My file is there, the appointment is on, I have my scan pictures ready to hand over. Now I just need to write down my very long list of questions to ask, because otherwise I will forget! I am still very nervous about what this appointment will bring...but after waiting for 2 months to see this so called 'guru of IVF' I will admit I am a teensy bit excited!


Lindsay said...

I hope you are feeling a little better now. Good luck with your appointment Friday - I'll be thinking about you.

New Year Mum said...

My heart was in my mouth for you as I read.... so glad it's all going ahead :)) You've been waiting so long for this and hope you get all the answers you want. I always take lists of questions... b/c I inevitably forget some of the important ones then kick myself. Good luck xoxo

Wonder Woman said...

I hope this appointment goes just the way you want it to!

OAN: Please don't beat yourself up about 4wheeling and camping. You didn't cause your loss. If you've ever watched "i didn't know i was pregnant" those women are drinking and rock climbing, and having car accidents and who knows what else! And then they go into surprise labor with a healthy full term baby that they never felt kick!( i roll my eyes at least 20 times every time i watch an episode) You could not have possibly caused this loss. I hope that makes you feel at least a smidge better about that.