Monday, July 4, 2011

I've been a bad blogger and a bad commenter and I am sorry. I am still reading along with all your blogs though.

My grandmother is still hanging on, but just barely. The doctors and nurses at the hospital feel that she doesn't have much time left. After seeing the deterioration between yesterday and today, sadly I think they are right. It was quite a shock to walk in this afternoon and notice how much she had gone downhill since the previous day.

There is not much we can do for her now, so we sit and massage her hands and feet (which are like ice) and talk quietly to her. It's nicer being there with someone else so I have gone with my mum the past 2 days. I don't know if I could sit there with her by myself..I think I would just cry. At least when mum is there I try and stay strong for her.

A nurse came and spoke with us while we were there today to give us an update. Most of her meds have been cut out. She is down to a whiff of pain relief, and something to help her sleep at night. She is not eating, but still drinking..though this is getting harder to help her with as she is having trouble swallowing. The doctor saw her this morning and didn't seem to think it would be much longer...he had trouble finding a pulse, and now when she is breathing you can hear that she stops every few breaths. Apparently this happens towards the end of life.

I am half expecting to get a phone call in the middle of the night from my mum to let me know she has passed away. I have told mum I don't care what time it is-I want to know..I need to know.

I feel so strange. Some moments during the day I am happy and excited thinking about this pregnancy...but right now I am just devastated about my grandmother and what she is going through. It is just heartbreaking to witness this going on for so long when clearly she has had enough, she has given up the fight. And then I wonder whether it's the right thing to be announcing my pregnancy at the end of the week and expecting my family to be happy..when they are going through this. At a bit of a loss...


TeamBabyCEO said...

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this, it's a very stressful time, but I am glad that you are able to be there with her now.