She's gone.

I'm a mess. I can't get hold of DH who is still away at work until Wednesday. I just want to talk to him and see if he can come home tomorrow instead. A day early is better than being here in the house alone.

I know the next few weeks are going to be hard. My mum is going to be an even bigger mess. I remember how she was when my grandfather (her father) passed away, and it was awful.

My sister's birthday is on Thursday..have to make sure that despite this sad time we make sure she has a happy day. I'm not sure how we will manage this, but I'm going to try my hardest. My sister has had a rough year and she deserves to be spoilt on her special day.

And then there's the scan on Friday..how can we be celebrating a life and mourning another at the same time?!? It almost doesn't seem right, but I know that my grandmother would be thrilled for us and would not want us to hide our excitement.

I am pleased that she is no longer suffering or in any pain. She is at peace. And I keep trying to hold onto the thought that she has been reunited with my grandfather and they are together somewhere, looking down on us all.

I am taking comfort in the fact that my aunt (one of her daughters) was with her when she passed too. I am so glad she wasn't alone.

I'm sorry this is all over the place..just trying to sort through the million and one thoughts rushing through my brain.

RIP nanny. We all love you very much. You will be dearly missed. xx