A Rambling Vent

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

*I apologise if this post seems all over the place. When I get worked up over something I tend to ramble*

I wish people would mind their own business...or at least have some tact...or something.

As most of you probably know my DH works away. He works in the mining industry in what is called a FIFO (Fly In Fly Out) position. His company flies him into the town where the mine is, they provide accommodation and food, he works for a few weeks and then they fly him home again. It's not a bad deal and the money is nothing to sneeze at either. He has been doing this for about 2.5 years now and despite being away from home, he enjoys the work.

Since we have announced our pregnancy, the most common question I have been asked (asides from 'when are you due?' has been 'is DH going to find a job closer to home once the baby arrives?'.

Short answer...'NO'.

For some people this then leads to some comments which range from 'oh wow you're brave' to the more bluntly (and dare I say it..rudely) put 'you will not cope without him home'.

Neither answer exactly thrills me, but the second one is really beginning to piss me off!!

First of all...how do they know I will not cope? Who are they to judge my coping abilities and my strength?

Secondly, do they think I am completely incapable??? Even if DH worked close to home, I will be the primary care giver and will be spending a lot more time with our baby then him.

I try to explain that realistically, DH works less than 6 months of the entire year. He will most likely get to spend more quality time with his child while working a FIFO job then if he worked a 'normal' 9-5 job closer to home.

Sure, I know that given it's our first child, there are going to be many learning curves.

Yes, I know that there will be sleepless nights involved and perhaps sometimes I will wish that DH is home to share this with me.

Of course I realise that caring for a baby takes up a lot of time and without a second pair of hands on deck that I may be wishing for a chance to shower or eat or do anything other than look after baby for 5 minutes.

I do not have unrealistic expectations of what this is going to be like. Some days will be better than others. There will be bad days, really bad days. But there will also be good days.

I have a wonderful support system who are not going to let me crash and burn on my own. My parents live less than 5 minutes away. My sister is dying to play aunty and lives about 20 minutes away. I think even MIL will be willing to help out sometimes (despite our differences). Plus I have wonderful friends to lean on as well.

It just really annoys me that people can make such judgements on my skills as a parent, and on our life...without even living it. None of the people who have made these rude comments have a FIFO partner so don't know what it's like to live like this. I would be much more accepting of their comments or advice if they were themselves in a similar situation...in fact I would be picking their brains on how they have survived and how it has worked/not worked for them.

I know that as my pregnancy progresses I will have to get used to people giving out (sometimes) unwanted advice and I can deal with that...but this to me is much more personal. Perhaps it's the hormones and I am being over sensitive....but whatever the reason, this is really beginning to bug me.


babycrazykiwi said...

I think you have every right to be bugged about the comments people are making. You and your DH have to do what works best for your family.
All the best.

Kelli said...

I agree with the above comment! My hubby works a different type of job too (totally different than yours) and people need to just know you are doing what is best for your family. Nice that DH can be home more than the normal working man. Hope you are feeling good chica! =0)

lostintranslation said...

Ugh. Let them mind their own business... Seems hurtful comments never go away, first IF, now this.... You'll be just fine. And having a great support system is a big help too!

Marissa said...

That would piss me off too.

People like talking about things with which they have no experience though...ugh.

luckyme said...

How annoying. I join you in feeling irritated. My DH is away with work for a fortnight, 4 weeks after my due date and people are aghast.... 'he's still going?' they ask in horror. You make a very good point that the nature of this sort of work often allows people to have more free time with their loved ones in between...well said!

Lora said...

Wow that's annoying. I would feel irritated too. It's none of their business. You guys will do what is best for you and that is all that matters!

Katma said...

You can do it. Don't worry about what others say.