Thursday, October 20, 2011

I opened the flood gates for tears and now I can't stop. I am a wet, blubbering mess.

DH and I had a bit of a fight yesterday when we spoke over the phone...well it wasn't really a fight. It was more him getting cranky at me and hanging up. Fine, that happens sometimes and usually by the next day he's over it. It was over something totally stupid too.

I try to call my DH this afternoon after I finished work (as he's on night shift and we speak when he gets up before he starts work at 6pm) and there was no answer. I tried a couple more response so I send him a text and asked why he was ignoring my calls. I got a response just before I reached home saying he was still angry at me. Cue tears from me.

I called him again and he answered quite abruptly. I asked why he was still mad about something so stupid. His response was that he was sick of me whinging to him while he was away at work. I was slightly gobsmacked as yesterday was the first time I had brought up anything negative and I only spoke to him about it for a minute or so before he cracked it and hung up on me...our phone calls prior to this have been happy and catching him up on what I've been doing while he's away. No whinging at all.

He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't want to speak to me if all I am going to do is whinge. I tried to interject and explain that he hadn't been receiving constant whinging calls from me...but he wouldn't really listen and my crying was getting to the sobbing point (which I think was annoying him further). So I went with 'fine I won't call you then' (in between sobs) but didn't expect the answer of 'good'. Of course this made me sob harder and he said he had to go to work. Conversation over.

So now I can't stop crying. I feel like crap. I feel unloved.

I know a lot of this is probably hormones running rampant, but I can't help but feel a little justified in my emotions....I mean I know it's tough for him being away from home and I know how hard he is working....BUT it's hard for me too. I miss him like crazy and I hate that he is missing out on parts of this pregnancy. It would be nice to have him home every night and help with dinner when I just feel too exhausted to cook, or to help with the housework when my back is aching. I make a special point of NOT whinging or complaining about any of this to have him say that he is sick of me whinging every time we speak really hurts.

I'm sorry for the woe is me post. I know there are far worse things going on for other people and my problems are petty in comparison...but I just need to get it out.


Just Us & A Miracle Baby too! said...

I am so sorry for the fight with your husband. You are justified with your feelings. He should be listening and more understanding but that being said, having a husband who is gone a lot as well, we fight over the phone sometimes too because it's so hard to communicate only on the phone. Give it a little time to cool down, and then try to talk it out.

Gurlee said...

Oh no, I hate fighting with my husband! It does not sound like you are being unreasonable, it sounds like maybe something is up with him. Perhaps he is upset too that he has to be away during such a special time. Or maybe he is nervous about your soon to be huge life change. Whatever the cause, I hope you work it out soon. You are entitled to be cranky, and if you hubs can't listen, who will? Pregnancy can be hard and the hormones really do a number on your emotions.

Jenny said...

Honestly, I'd like to kick him. Really hard. Pregnancy is hard enough for 'normal' fertiles, harder still for those who have experienced loss. He needs to be supportive of you during this time. I'm sure he's struggling with not being there, but you are the one with the aches and pains and hormones and basically doing it alone right now. I hope he calls to make amends soon. In the mean time, you're totally justified in feeling down. *hugs*

Mel said...

oh honey, post away, its your blog... but I know exactly how you feel....

its a very very emotional time for all of us right now, husbands included. I bet he wishes he was there every night too....
cry away we are here for each other