CD20 and apparantly 12DPO?!?

Bit of a catch up needed..Been a bit slack as I am mostly using my iPhone and I can't figure out how to post a blog entry from it??

Dedication Day..was lovely, but made me feel a bit sad. So many of my cousins friends were there, and they all have children. It was hard to keep a happy face plastered on with all these mummies and daddies wandering round with their beautiful babies, not to mention the little toddlers running all over the place. Bittersweet I suppose you could say. I managed to have cuddles with the twins, and funnily enough that made me feel better. I felt so content while I had a bubba in my arms...

DH has had his bloodtests done. Hasn't done the SA yet, as we have to ring up and check when a good day/time to bring the sample in...this may have to wait until he is home next. Hopefully he can ring up and find out his BT results on Thursday before doctor shuts down for Easter. 

I had one of my worst nightmares come true today. 

DH got a phone call just before I was leaving for work.

It was his sister.

She's pregnant.....

He got off the phone and told me...I lost it. Started bawling my eyes out and became the 'Crazy, Emotional TTC Woman'. DH started saying 'its ok..it's just not our time yet', which needless to say did nothing to comfort me or make me feel any better about what he had just told me. When this didn't ease up my emotional outburst, he started to get angry...yelling about me being too stressed to fall pregnant, how I am obsessed with having a baby and nothing is going to happen until I stop taking it to heart so much. 

Nice. How can I NOT take this to heart???? Seeing negative test after negative test, month after month...It's not easy to just cop that sweet and go along my merry way. Sooner or later it is going to take it's toll on me. 

Well I think it well and truly did this morning. It felt like a mini breakdown. I literally could not move off the bed for about 10 minutes..but realised I had to put on a brave face and go to work. I was not getting any sympathy from DH. My last words to him before I drove off were 'Thanks for your support'...

I am probably sounding like a crazy, jealous cow right now...why wouldn't I be happy for my SIL? Well that's a whole other story, and I think it's one that warrants it's own post. So for now I will just say she is not a very nice person, one which I personally believe should not be having children until she works out her own issues...

I don't think I would have reacted quite so strongly to this news, if we were not on the brink of seeing FS. I also think that knowing this was our last chance for a 2010 bub has made an impact on me...and now knowing that SIL will get a 2010 bub just rubs salt into my open wound.

So today was a day where it was an effort to put one foot infront of the other. Even more effort to do my job, see clients, listen and actually show them that I care. I guess working on other people's problems lets me forget about my own for a while...