Bad start

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Bad start to my day. Alarm goes off. I turn it off. Fall back asleep and then wake up about 40 minutes later. Of course a mad dash is then required to get to work on time...

So tired at the moment. Am not sleeping well, which usally happens when I am down in the dumps. Unfortunate, but I am a bit of an insomniac. It used to be a whole lot worse than it is now, but generally speaking my sleeping patterns are very messed up!

Work was painful. I got through til about 11:30am and then I wanted out of there. I felt utterly miserable and wanted to curl up under my desk and have a cry. BUT I had a client due to arrive, so managed to pull myself together and did an hour session with her. I ended up bailing an hour early. Claimed a migrane..that always works. No one can dispute that! Haha. 

So now its my weekend. 4 days off. 4 days to dwell on everything. Great! 

I am still trying to ignore my body, but it's hard when it's producing mass amounts of watery CM...O time must be close, and that gets me down all over again. DH is not here and is not even close to coming home! He is not even close enough to go visit over my 4 day weekend! (I have driven out to see him once before when he was working about 6 hours from home...It was a very long and boring drive, but he had been away for about 6 weeks and I missed him!!)

I am frustrated by the crapiness of mobile phone reception where DH is at the moment. He has 2 phones, with 2 different companies and still can't have more than a 2 minute call before he drops out!! And I can't even call keeps going straight to his messagebank...GRRRRR!!! And there is no internet connection where he is staying at the moment, so we can't even talk on Skype or something. So shitty!

I know I mentioned a while back that I was thinking of doing some further study. I was umming and ahhing about it, but I think I will apply for mid year entry. I need something to distract myself and take my mind off all this TTC crap. Perhaps it will engross me enough so that I start to forget that we are lacking a baby?!? (highly doubtfull but I can dream). So I am going to get my ass into gear and get my application in ASAP. Need to get some stuff certified by a JP and then I can send it in...Hopefully I will get accepted and study can be my new focus. I think it's a much healthier obsession...