CD10...negative musings

Here I am again on my phone. I apologise for lack of colour and smilies but I don't seem to get on the computer much when DH is home! He starts to crack the shits that I am spending more time on the computer than with him! Haha such a big baby sometimes. So all I can say is thank goodness for my iPhone!!

At work as usual and bored..what else is new!? Though I have lots to do as they have dumped the organisation of mid year orientation into my lap...which is on in about 3 weeks...love getting advanced notice! Oh well..I will get there. Just use the stuff from beginning of the year...

I want to send some love and hugs out to 2 of my fellow TTCers. Nani and GS. Both are having a hard time of late and are struggling with the many emotions that TTC instills. It just isn't fair sometimes..I don't know what else to say. I knowi probably sound likea whinging child, but seriously how is any of this fair?!? I know the girls already know this but want to reiterate that I am here for them,I care and I am thinking of them. I hope the universe stops messing around and gives them what they want so badly...SOON!

I am feeling very hopeful for Shel. Temps are looking good and though it's early days still, I have a good feeling. I so hope that this is her month. I know she is worried as to how it will affect the rest of us, but I think we will all be so happy for her that it won't be painful. I am looking forward to sharing in her pregnancy journey and living vicariously through her until I finally fall pregnant!

Not feeling quite so optimistic about our chances this cycle. I have a feeling that no matter how often we BD this time, it's still not going to knock me up! I have always had a feeling that there is something wrong which is preventing me from falling PG and to be honest I still have this feeling. I don't think the HyCoSy was the solution to our problems and feel that I still have a LONG road to travel before I will get a BFP. To be very honest and vey depressing I keep thinking another 8-12 months...not sure why but this keeps popping into my head.

I am happy to be proven wrong, but I have an awful feeling that we are not close to the finish line...

But we will try. We will try a BDing marathon and do it every day while DH is home. We will use the imitation preseed that I bought and hope for the best. I will even be a POAS addict and use up the cheapo HPTs that are waiting in the cupboard. But I will not put my life on hold anymore. I am going to have a drink (or 4) if I want to. I will (try) not to obsess over every twinge and pain over the next 2 weeks.

I do plan...if this cycle is another epic failure on my bodies behalf, that I will be having cocktails...lots of them...enough to numb the hurt and make me feel very happy...enough to have a good time and forget about TTC..if only for the night.