CD10...negative musings

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Here I am again on my phone. I apologise for lack of colour and smilies but I don't seem to get on the computer much when DH is home! He starts to crack the shits that I am spending more time on the computer than with him! Haha such a big baby sometimes. So all I can say is thank goodness for my iPhone!!

At work as usual and bored..what else is new!? Though I have lots to do as they have dumped the organisation of mid year orientation into my lap...which is on in about 3 getting advanced notice! Oh well..I will get there. Just use the stuff from beginning of the year...

I want to send some love and hugs out to 2 of my fellow TTCers. Nani and GS. Both are having a hard time of late and are struggling with the many emotions that TTC instills. It just isn't fair sometimes..I don't know what else to say. I knowi probably sound likea whinging child, but seriously how is any of this fair?!? I know the girls already know this but want to reiterate that I am here for them,I care and I am thinking of them. I hope the universe stops messing around and gives them what they want so badly...SOON!

I am feeling very hopeful for Shel. Temps are looking good and though it's early days still, I have a good feeling. I so hope that this is her month. I know she is worried as to how it will affect the rest of us, but I think we will all be so happy for her that it won't be painful. I am looking forward to sharing in her pregnancy journey and living vicariously through her until I finally fall pregnant!

Not feeling quite so optimistic about our chances this cycle. I have a feeling that no matter how often we BD this time, it's still not going to knock me up! I have always had a feeling that there is something wrong which is preventing me from falling PG and to be honest I still have this feeling. I don't think the HyCoSy was the solution to our problems and feel that I still have a LONG road to travel before I will get a BFP. To be very honest and vey depressing I keep thinking another 8-12 months...not sure why but this keeps popping into my head.

I am happy to be proven wrong, but I have an awful feeling that we are not close to the finish line...

But we will try. We will try a BDing marathon and do it every day while DH is home. We will use the imitation preseed that I bought and hope for the best. I will even be a POAS addict and use up the cheapo HPTs that are waiting in the cupboard. But I will not put my life on hold anymore. I am going to have a drink (or 4) if I want to. I will (try) not to obsess over every twinge and pain over the next 2 weeks.

I do plan...if this cycle is another epic failure on my bodies behalf, that I will be having cocktails...lots of them...enough to numb the hurt and make me feel very happy...enough to have a good time and forget about TTC..if only for the night.


Green Sprout said...

Yeah... bring on cocktails. I am totally there. :-)

Anyhow, I've been saying it all of you but I really appreciate the support at the moment. I know that if I do fall down, you're are they to help pick me back up and I need that. Your pings during the day have been about the only thing getting me through work this last week and feel free to assault me with every symptoms of your TWW when I go back next week!!!

I think there is a problem that we come to expect failure... I don't think that is a good thing. I am fully hoping that this is the cycle where all your stars align and the universe actually decides to take one for the team and gives you a nice little egg of Starlet goodness. Let's have a really awesome finale for you BD marathon! I think it is deserved!