Friday, June 24, 2011

So after about a million hours on my computer this morning I have made some changes to my blog. I am happy with it...I think! Still umming and ahhing slightly about the new name, but honestly I think it really sums up my situation right now.

Yes I am pregnant. And oh so happy to be pregnant and for everything to be going so well this time round...BUT after going through a miscarriage your innocence is taken away and what should be a joyous time is slightly marred by worry and doubt and wondering. I am a little sad that my joy (and DH's) has not been quite as joyous at what other first timers would be experiencing. I did write a post about this the other day and my jealousy of 'normal' people who haven't gone through miscarriage or infertility issues. So I guess that sort of sums it up even more.

So deep down, despite being pregnant, I am still a bitter and twister infertile that wants to scream at fertiles and tell them how lucky they are...and I don't think this is something that people understand completely unless they have travelled this road.


Emms said...

Hi from ICLW and thanks for stopping by my blog!
I dealt with this too during my pregnancy. I was so scared the whole time that something would go wrong, my joy always clouded by that fear. I wish I could say it went away nut it didn't. It ebbed, but it was always there like the bitter taste of a copper penny. I hope it does go away for you, and that you can have the unmitigated joy that you deserve!
Big hugs

Maria said...

Hi! Just joined your blog from iclw. I know what you're feeling exactly. Congratulations! Sending lots of positive vibes! :)
I've been blogging about that topic on and off bc where I'm not pregnant @ the moment, after every one of my losses, I still think about what it is going to be like when I'm pregnant again.
Wishing you a happy healthy blessed pregnancy!
I look forward to following!
Maria :)
Iclw #46

Amanda said...

I LOVE the new look! And I'm so happy to read that things are going well for you.

I believe the experience of infertility/miscarriages changes us forever, but for the better. Although it might not seem like it now, you get to appreciate every single milestone, symptom and experience. Others pass right through those things.

Hang in there xo

Marissa said...

*hugs* right there with you.

Stinky said...

Completely get this, as my default is to bleed and carry them round dead inside me, can't now imagine a pregnancy where none of that happens.

Cute new blog look too

Stinky said...

oh and from ICLW although am following anyway!

foxy said...

I was having this same conversation with my best friend just last week. She has been a brilliant support, yet can never really understand how hard everything about this experience has been for us. She is pregnant with her second, and had a look of shock on her face when I was explaining that I really don't think that I'll believe that this is real, or believe that this pregnancy is okay until we are holding this baby. This feeling of disconnectedness i have to this pregnancy is real, and she seemed so sad as i tried to explain it.

Thanks for stopping by for ICLW early this week. I love being able to find so many new fascinating blogs to read. Congratulations on your pregnancy!