Remembering Bubble

Today is Bubble's EDD.

I know that I am pregnant again, and writing this probably sounds really selfish, especially when there are so many lovely ladies still battling with their IF journeys...but I can't help but wonder about what could have been. Don't get me wrong-I know I am so blessed to be pregnant again and I love the little fella growing inside of me more than anything in the world. But the mind does strange things and I have a million thoughts running around my head about our angel babe.

So I just wanted to take this time to remember our little one who left us too soon. You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten and will always have a special place in our hearts. I know you are looking down on us, and that you will watch over your little brother once he joins us earthside. He's so very lucky to have his own personal guardian angel.

And of course, you are never far from my mind. All I need to do is look down and there you are...a constant reminder.

Placenta Issues

I had my ob appointment yesterday and I must say, I like my ob more and more after each appointment. She is so warm and friendly and took the time to answer the million questions I had written down for her. I am really pleased with my choice of care provider and know I am in good hands.

Had a quick chat first to see how I had been going since I saw her last (6 weeks ago). She took my blood pressure and asked a few standard questions. Then asked if I had managed to have my morph scan done. For some reason the report hadn't come through to her so she got her receptionist to chase this up while she did a quick scan to check on bubs progress.

The little fella is still doing well. Wasn't quite as wiggly as what he was last week for the morph scan. He looked very relaxed. Laying back with arms behind his head and legs bent...just chilling out in there! There were a few little kicks and waves as she checked him out. Saw once again that he is definitely a he...seriously I will be in total shock if this kid comes out and we are told it's a girl! I had mentioned to the ob that the scan tech had told me my placenta was on the low side, so next up was checking this out....

Well, it turns out the scan tech had sort of underplayed my placenta issues. It's not just low, it's actually partially covering my cervix. Not the best of news. So at this stage I will have another scan at around 34 weeks to see what the placenta is doing. If it doesn't move enough off the cervix then bubs will most likely be delivered by c-section. Ob didn't seem too optimistic once she had looked for herself (and then read the the scan report) that it will move, but said it is possible. In the mean time I have to be on the watch for any spotting or bleeding and report it to the ob straight away...oh and if the placenta moves more and completely covers the cervix then there will be no sex for us (sure DH will be thrilled if this happens).

While I am a little bummed that trying to deliver naturally is not looking like a possible avenue for me, I keep reminding myself that I had not set a birth plan for this very reason. I promised myself I would be open to all options and that in the end doing whatever was in the best interest of bubs and myself would be the way to go. So if a c-section is the safest option, then so be it. On the up side, this may make it easier to ensure that DH is here for the birth as a c-section is a lot easier to plan in advance for (as long as there are no problems earlier).

I did briefly touch on the matter of DH working away and the possibility of a social induction (if my placenta decides to behave itself) and my ob is most willing to do whatever she can to meet our needs. So that's a relief.

I also touched on weight gain...I have been a little concerned as despite not suffering morning sickness and managing to eat and eat and eat, I am still sitting at -5kg from my starting pregnancy weight. I figured by this stage of the pregnancy I should be starting to gain! The ob reassured me that because bub is looking healthy and growing at the correct rate that there is nothing to be concerned about, especially if I am eating healthily. Obviously he is sucking all the nutrients he needs from me! And I can't say I am complaining about the lack of weight being put on...though I am sure it's coming!!!

And on an unpleasant note..I have thrush. Placing blame squarely on the antibiotics I took a few weeks ago. Got something from the chemist to treat it now (after trying all the natural remedies), so hopefully it stays away for a while. The ob did remind me that some women suffer with it on and off their entire pregnancy..hoping I'm not one of them.

I also paid my pregnancy management fee (goodbye $1900) but was happy that I got some of this back from Medicare. So all in all, a fairly eventful appointment!

Not much else happening in my world. DH is home tomorrow for 2 weeks which is great. I think this past stint away has gone quickly which makes for a nice change. Hopefully we will get some more done on baby's room while he is here! Next step is deciding on what colour to paint the room...I have also found some lovely furniture that I want to take a look at before we buy.

Halfway There!

Yup...20 weeks today. 20 weeks of pregnancy down and 20 to go!

I can't help but keep wondering how did I get here so quickly?? It doesn't feel like that long ago that I was pill popping for our FET cycle and then receiving the news of our BFP. Time seems to be flying...I hope the next 20 weeks doesn't pass quite so quickly otherwise we will have a baby here and won't be ready!!

So what's new?

-I am beginning to feel movements more often and on a much more regular basis. It seems like our little guy is not a morning person as I don't feel much from him until after lunchtime! Late afternoons/early evenings seem to be when I feel the most movement. I don't think it's quite at the point where I am feeling proper kicks though. It's such a surreal feeling to know that what I am feeling is a little person wriggling around inside of me. I don't think I will ever get sick of feeling it!! Cannot wait until DH is able to feel something from the outside. I think it will make him feel more connected to bubba. I can see why guys can feel so left out of the pregnancy process now too!

-Experienced my first proper craving this week. Baby wants milkshakes. Chocolate milkshakes to be precise..with vanilla ice cream. I am finding this to be the most bizarre part of my pregnancy so far. Mainly because prior to pregnancy I was not a big fan of dairy. In fact I think I suffered slightly from lactose intolerance. Too much dairy (cheese, milk, ice cream) used to make me feel quite sick and would go straight through me in a rather timely manner. But now it seems not only am I wanting to drink down litres of milk...it's not upsetting my digestive system...AT ALL! So I have stocked up on milkshake supplies and have been having at least 1 a day...very tasty!

-Have made some more progress on the baby building site (AKA baby's room). Holes (from where the wall was pulled down) were patched with plaster before DH left for work. Yesterday my dad came round on his day off (isn't he a good grand dad to be?) and sanded the plaster. Huge, white powdery mess everywhere now....but being such an awesome dad...he is coming back on Monday to help me clean it all up! I think he is more excited about getting this room done then DH or I! So once DH comes home, the room will be ready for painting!!

-I called up the HR department at work on Thursday to find out about my maternity leave entitlements and how to go about applying for this leave. I am entitled to 26 weeks paid leave, and I will then take another 26 weeks unpaid. So will be able to have about a year off to spend with bubba. I will finish up when we close down for Christmas/New Year break so I have worked out I only have around 16 and a half weeks of work left (not that I'm counting or anything...)!!

-Have tentatively started discussing my baby shower with my mum and sister (who will be doing the bulk of the organising etc). I know baby showers are not for everyone, but I am so looking forward to having one! It's something I often day dreamed about while TTC. It's not going to be too OTT though. I am not into playing lots of silly games. I want it to be more about catching up with my closest friends and family before baby arrives...oh and maybe a small part of me is dying to be centre of attention for an afternoon!

It's a BOY!

Today was morph scan day!!

My mum came with me as DH is away at work. I'm not sure who was more excited-me or her!

As soon as the technician started we saw a wiggling baby and beating heart. Cue sigh of relief.




Next she asked if I wanted to find out the sex, and luckily baby obliged by spreading legs nice and wide! There was no denying that HE is most definitely a HE!

For the rest of the scan he was wiggling and kicking and waving and rolling around. The poor technician was struggling to get some of her measurements. At one point I even had to go empty my bladder (oh the relief!!) to try and help move him into a better position. Luckily it worked and she was able to get everything she needed to.

I don't think I could ever get tired of watching my baby up on screen. It was just lovely to watch him moving around, see his heart beating (and hear it), and get a close look at all his tiny little organs. Mum was amazed. She couldn't believe how clear the scan was compared to what she had while pregnant with my sister 22 years ago (she didn't get any scans while pregnant with me). I think she was super excited to see her first grandbaby wiggling around.

Once we finished I called DH and tried to convince him that the baby was actually a girl and that our ob had been wrong. He believed me for about a split second before he realised I was joking. He is over the moon about having a son. The joy in his voice was just beautiful (and I'm sure there would have still been joy if we were having a girl).

The only thing that I am slightly worried about is my placenta. The tech mentioned that it is on the low side and that I will need to come in for another scan at around 34 weeks to check and see if it's moved. She did say that in most cases the placenta has moved by the time ladies come back for the 2nd scan. After some Googling I have found that if the placenta doesn't move up it can lead to 'placenta praevia' which means the placenta covers the cervix. I am trying not to dwell on it now. It does sound like that the majority of the time the placenta rights itself and there are no problems. Will have a discussion with my ob about it next week to hear the professional opinion.

I don't want to leave this post on a downer note, so instead I will share with you all, my 19 week bump.

a ramble to clear my head

Please bear with me..this post is probably not going to make much sense and will ramble on all over the place. I do apologise! Also, I am a bad blog commenter at the moment and have been trying to catch up but am having MAJOR issues with Blogger not letting me comment...very frustrating.

I am super hormonal and teary at the moment which isn't helping matters. I have started to cry the past 2 mornings while out walking the dog...the smallest things seem to set me off and before I know it I have tears streaming down my face. Lucky there are not too many people out in my neighbourhood at that time of day otherwise it could get embarrassing!

This morning it really hit me that my grandmother is not going to meet our little one. I think I have mentioned this before...either when she was quite ill or just after she passed. But it really hit me today like a tonne of bricks. It makes me so sad. And I think because of everything going on with the family at the moment it makes me wonder how much of the extended family will be around by the time our baby is born. With the way they are acting and treating my mum, I don't particularly want to be associating with any of them...but it's sad to think that what was once a close knit family is falling apart without my grandmother here to keep us all together.

We did have some good news today...well it is good news but I am seeing the bad side of it. DH was offered a new job today. It's a step up in his career and will pay more too. Plus the company he is with at the moment has been treating him quite badly and despite many promises of promotions and pay rises, they have not happened. So it seems like a good time to cut his losses.

However, if he starts a new job in the next month or 2, by the time January rolls around (and the EDD of baby) he really won't have any holiday time owing...which means not much time off once baby is born and I suppose the chance of missing the birth completely. Him missing the birth freaks me out. He is the only one I want beside me through labour and birth and I know how much he does want to be there to experience the birth of his first born. Not having him home for a long time after the birth doesn't worry me quite so much. While it will be sad for DH to miss bonding time and most likely tough on me...we will get through it.

So now I have thoughts of social inductions and planned c-sections running through my head. I guess I figure that if I take this route then we can plan for DH to be here (while on week/s off from work) and he won't miss out on the birth. Neither the thought of social induction or a c-section thrill me...but when I weigh it up against not having DH there I know which comes out on top. It's something I need to discuss with my obstetrician at my next appointment. At least to get her thoughts on my ideas.

I'm feeling very all over the place about this. I am excited for DH about the job offer as I know it's a great opportunity and we will benefit...but I don't want him to miss out on our baby being born and I would like it if he had some time at home afterwards.

Until now I hadn't really thought too much about the birth. I figured having a detailed birth plan was a great way to wind up disappointed if things didn't work out how I wanted. I did have thoughts in my head of trying for a natural birth (if possible) but really hadn't put too much more planning into it. I guess I'm confused as to what would be best for our situation.

Maybe I need to sleep on it and my head might be clearer in the morning...I don't know.

Mega Update

I'm alive!

The cold/flu I picked up has really knocked me around and I am only just beginning to feel like myself again. I finished the antibiotics 2 days ago, so hopefully this is the end of it now! I managed work last week but was exhausted each day when I came home. So glad DH has been here to help with cooking and housework. He has even managed to avoid catching my dreaded lurgy which I am sure he is happy about!!

Yesterday marked 18 weeks. 18 weeks...I cannot believe it! I am almost halfway through this pregnancy!!! Craziness...

So what's new with me and baby?

My belly has most definitely popped. It's now not just noticeable to me, but to those around me. People at work, friends and family have all been commenting. It's even beginning to stick out in my baggier tops. And I am going to confess that I am 100% besotted with this bump. I'm not sure if all pregnant woman feel like this, or if it's because I have wanted this for so long..but I could just stand and look at my reflection for hours. I spend a good part of my day touching and rubbing the bump and in fact it's the first thing I do when I wake up (perhaps to make sure it's still there?!). I am even going to admit (how embarrassing) that I am constantly checking out my reflection (in shop windows, mirrors..) as I am walking along to get another glimpse of the bump.

DH thinks it's quite amusing that I am so obsessed with the bump. He is quite impressed that it has literally expanded overnight. Now that it's more prominent he has been touching my belly a lot more and has even started talking to baby which I thought was really sweet.

Movements are still happening sporadically. I wish I was feeling baby move more regularly, but I know that will come. What I have been feeling is generally flutters and bubbles, but a couple of times I have felt something different which I can only imagine is the baby actually doing flips (or similar type movements). It was the weirdest sensation...kind of like when your stomach drops while on a ride at an amusement park or something. Completely bizarre, but totally cool at the same time!

We have purchased a few more baby items. We found a Kingparrot Bassinet on Gumtree for $90. I was very excited as these have been the only bassinets I liked the look of, but didn't really want to pay full price for one. This one is in great condition and was for sale only 5 minutes from home. We just have to attach the wheels as the woman never ended up using them.

Not sure if I mentioned in an earlier post, but mum and I went to some garage sales and I ended up buying a Fisher Price 'My Little Lamb Swing' in great condition for about a third of what it would have cost brand new from a baby shop. Just need to remove the covers and give them a wash and it will be as good as new!

I picked this shirt up at a garage sale too for 50 cents. Couldn't resist it and thought DH would find it amusing...

Big W was also having a big baby sale this week so DH and I went and put another bunch of stuff on layby including a few cute outfits, socks, wraps, wipes and nappies (going to use disposables for the first 6 weeks or so before I start with the MCNs).

So really all we need to buy now is the cot, change table, a chest of drawers and the glider chair I have been lusting after since I sat on one in the baby shop! My parents are buying us the capsule that attaches to the pram we bought earlier on so that's the car seat sorted for the first 6 months or so. I figure anything we have forgotten can be asked for as gifts when I have a baby shower. Plus I know my mum is itching to buy some more baby things. She has been very restrained so far (especially after the miscarriage) and only went out last week and bought some cute outfits for baby.

DH has started work on the baby's room. He knocked down the wall the other day so next step is plastering up the holes (I think that's tomorrows job) and then painting (which will hopefully happen next time DH is home). We are also hoping to have the room re-carpeted and then it will all be nice and fresh for our little ones arrival.

I am still feeling really tired. I'm not sure who decided that energy comes back in the 2nd trimester but it is not happening for me. Maybe it's just because I have been sick. I guess I'll see if I'm starting to feel more energetic now that I am well again! I guess it also doesn't help that I am still getting up 3-4 times a night to pee.

8 more sleeps until the morph scan. I am really excited to see our little one again...it feels like a lifetime since the last scan in the obs office! I am also excited to confirm that bubs is a he. My mum is soooo excited about being able to come along! DH is sad that he is missing this next scan. I wish it could have been timed for when he was home, but it just couldn't be done. He will also miss the next obs appointment (which is a week after the morph scan) which means missing another chance to check out bubs. I'm so glad that he has been able to come to the scans and appointments so far, but sorry he will miss out on a few.

In non pregnancy related news, we have been dealing with a lot of family stuff in the aftermath of my grandmothers death. I am quite disgusted at how my aunts and uncles (mum's siblings) are behaving about dividing up the estate. It's really sad to hear they are squabbling over possessions and it's really upsetting my mum to be in the middle of it (as one of the executors of the will) when the last thing she wants to do is fight over who gets what. The divide between family members is huge at the moment and I do not think the family will recover. It's very sad as I never expected my family to act like this. I don't think mum did either. Death can bring out the worst in some people...

Not much else is going on here.
DH will fly back to work on Tuesday for another 2 weeks away and I'm sure once he's gone I will have more time to blog regularly!

Well I am still sick which is not fun. So after staying home Tuesday I figured I would be able to cope with work on Wednesday...no such luck! I lasted half the day and was on my way home again. Decided I may as well take Thursday off and give myself plenty of time to recover. I went to the GP yesterday to get a medical certificate and she gave me a thorough checking over. Ended up leaving there with a script for some antibiotics to start in 24 hours if I was still not feeling great.

I was really hoping I'd wake up this morning feeling better so I wouldn't have to use the ABs...but I felt the same and figured I should try the drugs and kick this illness in the butt. I am sick of feeling so miserable and lethargic..I just want to feel good again. I know the ABs are safe for baby, but I usually suffer some stomach upset related side effects from them which is never fun. I got some Inner Health from the chemist when I filled my script, so hopefully that will combat the stomach issues.

DH is now home. I don't think he was impressed coming home after 2 weeks to a sick wife, but he has been looking after me well. He's come off 2 weeks of night shift so has been quite tired and is struggling to get back into a normal sleeping routine...which is why he is currently passed out on the couch! Hopefully next week he will start work on the baby's room...I need him to knock down a wall. Once he has done that then we can paint. I really want to get the ball rolling on this preparation...I can't believe it's August already. It will be the end of the year before we know it (and that scares the bejeebus out of me!!).

from my [sick] bed

I've been battling a cold since Saturday.

Sunday the cold won out and I stayed in bed ALL day. The only time I moved was to get food or go to the bathroom.

Monday I thought I had beaten the cold. I figured all that rest, freshly squeezed OJ and panadol had done the trick. I took it easy, but didn't confine myself to the bed and I even left the house for a few hours.

Today the damn cold has beaten me back down. My alarm went off (it's a work day) and I just couldn't muster the energy to get up and get moving. I figured it wouldn't hurt me to stay in bed another day instead of trying to push through it and go to work. I'd rather get better than run myself into the ground.

The guilt for me is hard to dodge. I feel like I am letting work down. I know I had lots of clients booked in today. I should be there. This is all self inflicted guilt though. I know that no one at work would make me feel bad for taking a sick day. In fact if I had of gone in today I probably would have been told by many of my colleagues to go home and rest and that I didn't look well (that's the trouble with working alongside nurses..they can tell when you are sick!). I probably would have been marched back out the door and escorted to my car and told not to come back until I was well.

So I guess this guilt is just something I need to work through. I keep reminding myself that it's not just me I need to think about anymore..there's a little human growing inside me that needs me to be healthy. That helps ease the guilt some...

My mum came round this morning with a natural concoction to help me fight this cold. Garlic, honey, cayenne pepper & apple cider vinegar...sounds revolting but actually doesn't taste too bad. Apparently it's good for coughs and also good for breaking up mucus and one of the ingredients is a natural antibiotic...so here's hoping it helps!

DH is home tomorrow for 2 weeks. Looking forward to seeing him..hopefully I'll be on the mend and won't share this lovely cold with him.