CD21

Still feeling crampy on and off..no idea whether it's AF about to make an appearance or what. A few ladies have suggested that I may have O'd later then what FF has marked..which if true then I am in with a chance of getting my BFP! I am trying not to pin my hopes on that though, but if AF hasn't arrived in a few more days then I will start to wonder....

I am feeling a little better after the shock yesterday, but SIL is now posting cryptic messages (which I know the meaning of) on Facebook..I don't know how I will go having that in my face every day for the next umpteen weeks until she officially reveals her pregnancy to the world..but hey, what can I do?!?

On a good news note..DH found out today that he doesn't have to go back to work until Monday!! Apparantly they are rained out on the site, so there is no point in him going back yet. Yay!!! Very pleased as he wasn't home last Easter, so nice that he gets to be this time round. Will have to think of something exciting to do now..I planned on sitting at home with the dog eating copious amounts of easter eggs...hehehehe.

CD20 and apparantly 12DPO?!?

Bit of a catch up needed..Been a bit slack as I am mostly using my iPhone and I can't figure out how to post a blog entry from it??

Dedication Day..was lovely, but made me feel a bit sad. So many of my cousins friends were there, and they all have children. It was hard to keep a happy face plastered on with all these mummies and daddies wandering round with their beautiful babies, not to mention the little toddlers running all over the place. Bittersweet I suppose you could say. I managed to have cuddles with the twins, and funnily enough that made me feel better. I felt so content while I had a bubba in my arms...

DH has had his bloodtests done. Hasn't done the SA yet, as we have to ring up and check when a good day/time to bring the sample in...this may have to wait until he is home next. Hopefully he can ring up and find out his BT results on Thursday before doctor shuts down for Easter. 

I had one of my worst nightmares come true today. 

DH got a phone call just before I was leaving for work.

It was his sister.

She's pregnant.....

He got off the phone and told me...I lost it. Started bawling my eyes out and became the 'Crazy, Emotional TTC Woman'. DH started saying 'its ok..it's just not our time yet', which needless to say did nothing to comfort me or make me feel any better about what he had just told me. When this didn't ease up my emotional outburst, he started to get angry...yelling about me being too stressed to fall pregnant, how I am obsessed with having a baby and nothing is going to happen until I stop taking it to heart so much. 

Nice. How can I NOT take this to heart???? Seeing negative test after negative test, month after month...It's not easy to just cop that sweet and go along my merry way. Sooner or later it is going to take it's toll on me. 

Well I think it well and truly did this morning. It felt like a mini breakdown. I literally could not move off the bed for about 10 minutes..but realised I had to put on a brave face and go to work. I was not getting any sympathy from DH. My last words to him before I drove off were 'Thanks for your support'...

I am probably sounding like a crazy, jealous cow right now...why wouldn't I be happy for my SIL? Well that's a whole other story, and I think it's one that warrants it's own post. So for now I will just say she is not a very nice person, one which I personally believe should not be having children until she works out her own issues...

I don't think I would have reacted quite so strongly to this news, if we were not on the brink of seeing FS. I also think that knowing this was our last chance for a 2010 bub has made an impact on me...and now knowing that SIL will get a 2010 bub just rubs salt into my open wound.

So today was a day where it was an effort to put one foot infront of the other. Even more effort to do my job, see clients, listen and actually show them that I care. I guess working on other people's problems lets me forget about my own for a while...

CD16

Rang the doctor's surgery yesterday morning. BT results are all normal. Couldn't get another appointment to see her until after Easter, so will go back then and find out more information about what the BT's actually looked for, ask about whether she can get an ultrasound done (or if that's not until I see the specialist?) and get the referral of course. 

DH has gone off to see his doctor this morning. I think he was quite nervous. Despite all my reassuring, I think he is still under the impression that the doctor is going to ask for his 'sample' while he is there...

I hope his results come back clear. I really believe that if he finds out that he is the 'problem' as to why we have not got our BFP yet, I think it will gut him. Would be enough to make him give up on our baby dream I think..

Going to my cousins 'Dedication Day' tomorrow for her twins. Should be lovely, and hopefully I can have my baby fix!

CD13

Well the doctor's appointment went well yesterday. I actually saw a new GP as the one I have been seeing has left the centre. She was great! Said it was good that I had come in even though it hasn't been 12 months. Did all the regular checks first-blood pressure, weight, medication check, and even a pregnancy test. Whipped out my FF charts to show her and she was very impressed! Was sent for some blood tests which I had done straight after my appointment. Pretty much she has said that it wouldn't hurt for me to lose 5% of my body weight (about 4kg) but that whatever the results of the blood tests, she will give me a referal letter for a Fertility Specialist!! That was music to my ears...She even said that if I had a preference for a FS that was ok too. So I will go back at the end of the week, find out the results and get my letter. 

All in all, a big step in the right direction.

So I have been researching FS's in my area. Put a post up on the Bubhub Forums to see if any of the lovely ladies there had recommendations or advice. Got some great feedback from my post, and now I don't feel so lost! Am narrowing it down to a few doctors and just trying to figure out whether to go for the one less than 5 minutes from home, or the one who is about 20 minutes away. I will have a chat to my GP when I go back and see if she has an opinion.

DH is still ok to go get and SA done. Will organise once he is back home....which is tomorrow!! 

YAY!!!

I am slightly worried that there will be a big waiting list to see a FS. I don't know if I can cope with much more waiting..but I suppose in the grand scheme of things, what's a couple more months??

On a down note, another school friend announced their pregnancy on Facebook the other day.

CD11

Not much to report on the TTC front...obviously since I think I have already ovulated and my DH is not home...

I am off to see my GP tomorrow to discuss what may be causing me to NOT fall pregnant. I would really like some answers, or at least for her to get some tests done so she can find out the answers for me! 

I am slightly concerned that she may just brush me off because we have not been TTC for 12 months. I will not be very happy if this is the case..I think 9 cycles of trying is close enough!! I am hoping that along with blood tests she may get me to have an ultrasound done. I am not sure what else they can do for females..I know that she will say it is important for DH to have a SA done. He has agreed to this. Just a matter of him popping off to see his doctor next time he is home. 

Was looking at baby clothes today..for a present. But oh how I wanted to start buying up for my own baby (even if it doesn't exist yet!!). There are so many cute things out there. I could have a wonderful shopping spree. My mum was with me, and it took a lot of will power not to burst out about how we are trying to produce her a grandchild (it will be her first once it finally happens) but it's taking a little longer than expected. But I didn't. I don't want the extra pressure of family asking us if we are pregnant yet. It's bad enough that everyone is asking us when we will be having children...

One more day off and then back to work.

Only 3 more sleeps and DH will be home again...YAY!

My Very First Blog Entry

So here I am. My very first blog. My very first entry. I have been writing a TTC Diary on BubHub. It's here if you would like to read my TTC journey so far. 

I am 25, turning 26 this year. My husband has recently turned 26.

We decided to start trying for our first baby in August last year. Still no luck. 

We are up to our 9th cycle of TTC. Medical intervention is now needed (IMO). I am off to the doctor on Monday to see what the next step is. 

My body has thrown me a massive curve ball this cycle. I am currently CD10 and appear to have already ovulated a few days ago. Since I began temping I have ovulated between CD12-16. My cycles are usually 24-28 days long. So I am completey confused. 

Why is ovulating already such a bad thing you ask? Well it probably wouldn't be if my hubby was around..but he works away and is not home until next week. So this cycle is now a write off and was our last chance to conceive a 2010 baby. 

I guess 2010 was not meant to be the year of the baby for us. Extremely dissapointing, as when we first started TTC last year, I thought I would be pregnant by Christmas! 

Naivé or what?!?

So this is me. This is where we are right now. Trying as best we can, without any success.