2 Lines

Test line on today's FR darker than control line!!!! Very reassuring!

I am still in awe of those 2 lines!

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An Update

Today I am  5 weeks 2 days pregnant!

Can't quite believe it's been over a week since we found out. Time flies, especially over the festive season I suppose. It is definitely sinking in. I am well and truely past the arrival of my period, so I can breathe a little sigh of relief. Next goal is to make it to 7-8 weeks for a scan! The longer I wait, the better chance of hearing our little ones heartbeat. DH is quite excited at the prospect of this so I will have to ensure we can have the scan done when he is home.

I had a visit on Monday from the wonderful Nani and GreenSprout and they came bearing gifts!!

Not only did  GS bring me more HPTs and OPKs to feed my POAS addiction, but she also gave me a very cute onesie.

Nani gave me a very cute baby book and a Winne the Pooh bath washer.

Plus Nani has loaned me her doppler!!! I am under strict instructions to not touch this until I am past the 12 week mark, and to not let it stress me out or panic!

Had a lovely time catching up with the girls. Both are looking very pregnant with their gorgeous bellies! So lucky to have met such wonderful people and to have them in my life. They are both passing on all their pregnancy knowledge which will no doubt come in very handy. GS has even emailed me a list of useful information and websites so I am not overwhelmed when we start making baby purchases!

As for the last few days, we have been away on a camping/hunting trip. We ventured to New South Wales to a tiny town called Walgett. It was an adventure to say the least. Due to flooding there were many roads closed leaving us to detour around. The trip on the way there took 17 hours. Long and tedious to say the least. On the way home wasn't as bad-about 9 hours. All up we drove over 2000kms!!

It was worth it when we got there. We camped on a property and the owner has over 65 000 acres of land. There was nothing around but wildlife. The weather was perfect-blue skies and sunshine. The boys managed to get some hunting in, but were dissapointed that there were no pigs to be seen. They had to be satisfied with roos, emus and rabbits.

DH was not to impressed with the million pee stops we had to make for me. Bumpy roads and pregnant bladders do not mix! The same goes for 4WDing and sore, swollen boobs...all I have to say is OUCH! I was a little bit paranoid about all the rough tracks and me bouncing around in the car. Worried about our little embie being rattled lose or something. Tried to put the fears to the back of my mind for the trip, and figured that unless I started bleeding or felt extreme cramps then it should be ok. Hopefully our little one was not bounced around too much in there.

I was extremely glad to be home and have access to a real toilet and shower! Roughing it for a few days is about as much as I can take! And to be in our own bed last night was heaven! I have a funny feeling that will be my first and only pregnant camping trip!

New Years Eve tonight and what a difference a year can make. This time last year I was in the TWW and did not drink in fear of being pregnant. Of course, I wasn't! But here we are now a year on and I finally have a little embie burrowing in tight for the next 8 months. Amazing! Just makes me want to jump around in excitement, but I wont...I think we have both had enough bouncing to last us a long while!

We are off to a friends house for a NYE party. Everyone attending knows I am pregnant so I won't have to worry about thinking up an excuse for not drinking. I hope you all have a lovely NYE whatever your plans may be. And for those still waiting for your BFPS, I hope 2011 is your year.

It's Official

Sorry for taking so long with the update but it was a very emotional and anxious 24+ hours!

After my wonderful BFP from Tuesday night (here it is again to refresh your memories), I POASed again on Wednesday morning...

This POAS was not so dark and freaked me right out! So after much consoling from Nani and GreenSprout in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, I decided that I should go get my blood test done that morning and put my mind at ease.

Some sort of stuff up (or conspiracy) with my results led to waiting around anxiously for the entire day, calling my FS office obsessively. After much chasing the results were finally in!

PREGNANT!!!! 4 weeks and 1 day today!!!

Level at 82 but apparantly this is normal for this early stage of pregnancy. (I have banned myself from goggling this as I know it will only lead to paranoia).

So, let the POAS party continue!!! (note Wednesday mornings lighter line...)

And the best one of all...

I cannot stop staring at my sticks. I am amazed that my pee made those 2 pink lines show up! I have been so used to only seeing 1 that it's quite a shock. And I have been waiting forever to use a digital and see the word 'pregnant'. I still have one more digital and 2 more FRs to use...will space them out over the next week or two. Just for peace of mind. DH thinks its a waste of money, but I need the reassurance!

So what else...FS said I can stop Metformin (hooray) and just to use up what I have left of the Crinone (double yay) which is only another day or 2 worth of cream. I will make an appointment with him in the new year for an early scan!!

IVF due date calulator puts my EDD at 31st August 2011. I am stoked with this as its the day my pop passed away and I feel like its a sign from him that it's all going to work out just fine! Also I won't be heavily pregnant in the middle of summer!!

We have told a few family and friends already as they were aware of us undergoing an IVF cycle. My mum, dad and sister are over the moon that it has worked. We also told my nanny (the one thats been unwell) and it made her day. She said it was the best Christmas present we could have ever given her. I visited her this afternoon and she looks so happy! This will be her 5th great-grandchild!

All the friends who we have told are also very excited. It's the first bub for our group of friends which makes it even more exciting I suppose! So lots of phone calls, text messages and hugs were flying around last night.

DH is excited but not jumping around all over the place like me! I think that's a male thing. But he is quite happy now to engage in baby discussions (eg names, babys room etc) which is great! One of the first things he said after I showed him the first pee stick the other night was 'oh we can start buying stuff now!' which just melted my heart! He is so ready for this which is not surprising considering how long we have been waiting!!

This has just made my families Christmas. After a year full of ups and downs (and more recently downs) it is so amazing to have such wonderful news. Gives me hope for the new year! I know 2011 is going to be a year filled with excitement and happiness.

A big thank you to all my blog followers who have been leaving messages. Thank you for sharing my journey and supporting me through. You have no idea how one little comment on a bad day can give me the will to keep going and smile. Special thanks to Nani and GreenSprout for all their love and support...and for helping a paranoid pregnant woman out!

So we bought some FR HPTs, came home had dinner and I held onto my pee!

Finally figured I had held long enough.

This is what came up....

OMG! I rushed out to DH and shoved it in his face. He smiled and grabbed me in for a hug. I started to cry. I have been waiting to see those 2 lines for so many months!!! It was all too much.

Hoping this is real. The test line came up before the control and almost straight away. Its quite dark too.

Could it be?!?

Am I pregnant?!?

POAS obsession will continue tomorrow morning. BT on Thursday. I just want to hear the doctor say 'yes you are pregnant' and then we can go crazy and celebrate!

For now we are cautiously optimistic...our little embie has stuck.


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Naughty

DH made it home through the floods!!!!! So happy he is here, and for 3 weeks!

Feeling crampy today..hoping its a good sign and not a bad one. It feels somewhat different to AF cramps so feeling slightly hopeful. I am finding it hard to resist the urge to POAS and DH is no help! He wants to go and buy some HPTs tonight!

I figure if its negative it gives me a few extra days before Christmas to come to terms with it, plus it won't be such a shock when I get the BT results.

And if its positive...well I will remain optimistically cautious until I have definitive results from the BT on Thursday..but at least I won't go insane!!

I am hoping with every bone in my body that this is it. That 2 lines will show up and we will get a lovely HCG reading when I have my BT.

We've waited long enough...time to move on from our TTC journey!

Hopefully Hoping

So it's looking hopeful that DH will be able to get home. They managed to get back to the camp last night, but were still made to go back on site this morning despite the rain. Big storm last night knocked the closest mobile phone tower down so he had no phone reception until this afternoon. Unless the rain really picks up again tonight then they should be able to get through to the airport tomorrow morning! I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Meanwhile I am going completely insane. I have been so tempted to buy some HPTs and POAS today. I managed to hold off. I know I should wait for the blood test. Way more accurate. No mistakes. No false positives. Though the Ovidrel should be out of my system..it's been 14 days since I jabbed. I will see what DH says when he gets home..maybe I will POAS if he wants me to!

I made short breads this afternoon as a way to pass the time. They turned out beautifully! I usually leave the shortbread baking to my nanny but this year I figured I should give it a try. I made some regular ones and some chocolate ones. Yum yum! Now we are all set for Christmas treats...I made rum balls last week. Very naughty..but I only do this stuff once a year so it's always a treat.

I honesetly can't believe it's almost Christmas. Where has the time gone?!?

2 Wishes...

I hate rain!!! Especially the torrential, flooding type rain that we are experiencing here. And now it might ruin Christmas.

DH just let me know that currently he and his work mates are stuck out on the mine site. The road that leads back out is now flooded. As are the roads around town and to the airport. The rain isn't easing.

DH wanted to prepare me incase he can't get home for Christmas.

There is still time for the rain to ease and the water to go down...but he is up north and it is the wet season.

Here I am once again hoping for a Christmas miracle. It seems every year when we think DH will be home for Christmas, something happens about a week out making us wait and wonder whether he will actually get home. Last year he made it home 2 days before Christmas, the year before he surprised me on Christmas Eve. I just want him home in time for the blood test results...so we can commiserate or celebrate together..in person.

So now I have 2 wishes for Christmas.

-for DH to make it home

-and for our BFP

Am I asking too much?

water works

*sigh*

Driving home this afternoon and all of a sudden I had this 'feeling' (for want of a better word) come over me...

It hasn't worked.

Sadness flooded in, I teared up and all I could think then was 'its not fair'.

I know we have 6 little embryos in the freezer, but I just don't know how many more negatives I can take. Yes, I have said this before and yes, I have managed to get up and keep going. But it feels different this time. It feels like the end of the road. IVF is our last resort at having a baby...and there are only so many cycles we would be prepared (emotionally and financially) to do before we have to stop. And that hurts.

If this cycle doesn't work, then we are one step closer to giving up. To resigning ourselves to the fact that we may not be able to have children of our own. And I never thought that would be something we would EVER have to even consider.

But here we are.

I know what you're thinking...don't give up hope yet...you might be pregnant. Yes, it's possible. Anythings still possible. But all my other 'feelings' have been accurate. Why would this one be any different?! I would love to be proven wrong. This is one instance where I would like nothing better than for my 'feeling' to be wrong. But I just can't shake it.

I want to stay positive. I have done well so far, but time seems to be dragging. It's only Saturday afternoon. DH isn't home until Tuesday afternoon. My blood test isn't until Thursday morning. I can't stop thinking about it. It's on my mind constantly..and now all I can think about is hearing the doctor tell me that the cycle hasn't worked.

A Blessed Life

A thread on BubHub got me thinking (and then turned me into a blubbering mess). Despite all that has happened this year and what we have had to endure while TTC, I am still very lucky.

-I have a husband who loves and cares for me. He would do anything for me and works so hard to give us a good life. He is amazing!

-We have a roof over our heads.

-Food in the fridge/pantry.

-Money in the bank (even if it's not a lot) and 2 regular sources of income.

-We will have the chance to spend Christmas with our families.


Not everyone has this (or ever will) and sometimes I think I take all this for granted. So right now I am taking a moment to remember just how lucky I am, and even though we are currently going through one of the most emotionally draining experiences of our lives right now, I am so very grateful for what I do have right now.

So please take a minute out of your day to count all your blessings in your life this Christmas and remember not to take it all for granted. I hope you are all as lucky as me.

The TWW

Here I am again...blogging is a nice cheap form of therapy!

I gave up my coffee fear this morning and indulged in a cup. I figure if I am pregnant then I will probably go off coffee anyway so I may as well enjoy it now. I am only having one cup too (and it's only on the 3 days I work...I don't have it at home).

One more week to go until we find out whether we have been blessed with an IVF miracle. This past week has passed quicker than I thought it would, but it probably helped that I had DH here for most of it and once I had recovered from the EPU/ET we had a busy weekend filled with lots of social activities. I thought work this week would be a great distraction too but it's a quiet time of year for me and I have no clients...which gives me plenty of time to mull things over and analyse every little thing. This weekend however, will be worse.

4 days at home. Just me and the dog. No DH to keep me occupied. No plans. Most likely I will be sitting at home on the couch watching mindless crap on TV. Not exactly a killer distraction for an over active mind. Especially the mind of a crazy woman in a TWW! I will have to make a list of things to do. Housework will make the top of the list....but my irrational fears of too much strenuous activty will kick in. It's a vicious cycle.

The most frustrating thing is that all the 'symptoms' I am experiencing are by products of the Crinone.

-sore and enlarged boobs
-peeing frequently throughout the night
-nausea
-diarhoea
-tiredness
-cramps

It's all the Crinone. These (and more) are all listed as side effects. I cannot equate anything I am feeling right now to that teeny-tiny embryo that was put back inside me last Friday. This of course fires up my over active mind and makes me think that this has not worked. That my blood test next week will show that I am not pregnant. But then I feel the funny twangy pains in my right hand side that have been happening on and off since yesterday and this same mind thinks 'IMPLANTATION!!!!'.

Geez...can I make up my mind?!?!

I think not. It's like I'm teetering on a see-saw.

I am. I'm not. I am. I'm not.

I am spending my days going back and forth. I am an optimist and a pessimist within seconds of each other.

Fears & Tears

9 more sleeps until the blood test...just over a week but I know it will continue to drag.

I am at the point where I am worrying about every little thing I do. Worried that anything could stop the little embie from implanting. Paranoid that it will be my fault if we don't get a BFP. I mean EVERYTHING!

I took the dog for a walk this morning (first time since before EPU) and I was freaking out the whole time thinking 'OMG what if this is classified as strenuous exercise?!?' and 'what if I am ruining our chance of a baby?'. Not exactly the nicest way to start your day. Then I had a coffee this morning at work. I felt so guilty about it that I only ended up drinking half the cup. Plus I started feeling weird twangy sensations and my mind automatically jumped to 'Either this is implantation or I was right and walking the dog was a bad idea'.

And my mind has been like this constantly since ET but I think it's slowly getting worse and more paranoid and over the top. It's wearing me down and stressing me out....and my aim for this TWW was to be calm and serene.

To top my day off I just started crying before. Over NOTHING!!! Literally I was sitting on the couch watching mindless crap on TV and then a second later I was bawling. What is up with that?!? Probably just another side effect from the drugs, but a little part of me can't help but wonder...and do a secret little happy dance.

I must go...I feel the waterworks starting up again and I don't want to drown my laptop.

In the Freezer

We have 6 little frozen embies in the freezer.
6 little miracles.

So out of our 8 fertilised eggs, only 1 didn't make it to 4 cell. Very good result.

Hoping we don't need to use any of our bubsicles until we want another baby....

Waiting

Dum de dum...just waiting for time to pass until I can go for my blood test. This is going to be the longest wait of my life.

The Crinone is messing with me. I know its jut side effects so not reading into it at all.

So far it's:

-Needing to pee several times a night (like at least 3-4 times)
-cramps
-nausea

Easy enough to mistake these for pregnancy symptoms but I know it's too early and I know these are common side effects of Crinone.

DH is being very sweet and over protective. I can only imagine what he'll be like if I am actually pregnant. He has decided I need to eat...all the time and gets mad when I say I'm not hungry. He also keeps reminding me that I'm not meant to be doing anything strenuous...wondering if that means he will do the housework?!? Hahaha...

The other morning he put his head on my belly and started talking to the embie telling it to stick...was so cute. He is so into this and so positive.

It's heart meltingly gorgeous!

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Here It Is..

Our beautiful little 2 day, 4 cell embryo...

This is what all the tests, injections, scans, pain and tears have been leading up to. And now we are here.

This little thing, no bigger than a grain of sand has now been put back inside me for safe keeping (hopefully for the next 8 months!) to grow into our baby.

Isn't science amazing?!!?!

Transfer was short and sweet. Quick run down with the nurses, then a chat to the scientist who then showed us the photo of our little embie.

Then the standard pants off, on the bed, sheet on...and before I know it Dr T is in the room and getting all the instruments of torture ready to roll!

So as Christmas carols were playing in the background (All I Want For Christmas Is You..how appropriate) with DH, the scientist named Jasmine and Dr T (along with me in all my glory)...our little embie was shown into it's new home.

I was then told to lie there for another 5 minutes and reminded by Dr T to not undertake any strenuous exercise and to take it easy.

Once it was just DH and me in the room, I started to laugh. I told DH I much prefer the conventional way of babymaking...it's a lot more enjoyable and less painful! But hey, who am I to complain...if this brings us a little miracle then it is totally worth it!

We will get a call this afternoon to let us know how many little embies we have to stick in the freezer. This morning there were another couple of 4 cells but some others were close so they will give them a bit more time.

I guess I can say it now....


I'M PUPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Numbers Are In...

Made the call to the clinic this morning...













We have 8 fertilised eggs!!!!

Now we just need them to keep dividing...and hope we have a nice 4 cell to put back..plus a few to freeze!

Transfer is tomorrow morning at 9am. It's done at the IVF clinic by my FS. I'm awake for it. I think it will be uncomfortable..like that weird scan/measuring thing the FS did at the beginning of the cycle. Fun! But if it brings us a baby...I am all for it!!

Feeling ok this morning. Have some pain still. It's more like a funny throbbing/stabbing pain and only on my right...plus the crampy feeling in between. Heat pack and panadol still seem to be doing the trick though. I am keeping up my fluids as I am paranoid about getting OHSS but I have no signs of it yet...so fingers crossed it stays that way! I did read that ladies with PCOS are more likely to suffer from it, so that scared me a little.

I can't believe this time tomorrow I will be PUPO....may be the closest I get to being pregnant!

So here we go..the play by play. It's 9:30pm but after all the sleeping I did today I do not feel
the need for bed yet.

We were up early and got to the hospital by 6:15am. Went through all the admissions paperwork, paid the bill (well my PHI excess) and kissed DH goodbye. I only sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes before a nurse called me in.

The nurse did all the pre procedure checks and led me to a bed and handed me the sexy hospital gown to put on. Lay up on the bed reading a magazine.

Next up the anethesist (SP?!) came and had a quick chat with me along with another nurse. This was around 7:15am. I was wheeled through just before 7:30 so was impressed that they were on schedule. I think I was first up!

Spoke briefly to one of the scientists from the clinic who was there to look after my eggs then the anethesist was back to put in my canula and give me a shot of something that would 'make me feel like I'd had a glass of wine'.

I also met the doctor performing the pickup procedure (another FS) just before I got wine substitute. His last words to me were ' you will be back here at the hospital in 8 and a half months having a baby'. Like his thinking!!!!

They then wheeled me into theatre where I lay for a minute or two while they got organised. They had Cold Play playing in the background...then one of the nurses (there were about 6 people in the room and I assume most were nurses) gave me the gas mask and I was gone.

It's amazing how you totally lose an hour of you life and not remember a thing. I woke at around 8:30am. A nurse explained I was in recovery and asked if I was in pain. I could only nod. It only felt like a dull ache at first. She went to get me a hot pack but while she went away the pain hit and I started to cry....I'm not sure if I was really in that much pain or if I was in shock or something. I can just remember thinking how much I wanted to see DH. Another nurse must have heard me crying and she said that she would get me something for the pain. She gave me a shot of something and gave it a few minutes but I was still high on the pain scale so they gave me another one.

That seemed to do the trick and they took the oxygen mask off me soon after and I dozed for a short while. They then wheeled me round to second stage recovery and this is where I was told thru had picked up 14 eggs. I had been to dopey to remember to
check my hand but there it was!

Nurse took my vitals and said I was still looking pale so try to sleep some more. The pain was not as bad as earlier but it was there. More like a dull ache but I couldn't get comfortable. I must have dozed but remember tossing and turning a lot.

At one stage they bought another lady through who must have had an EPU too. She only got 6 eggs. Made me feel sad for her (as I know that would have disappointed me) but also made me feel even happier for our great result!

Once I managed to get up and go to the bathroom (without falling over or fainting) the nurse was happy for me to change and go to third stage recovery and sit in a recliner. I was much more comfortable. Had some water (throat so dry and scratchy), looked at my magazine and dozed.

At some point the nurse must have called DH and said in another 30-40 minutes i would be ok to go home. He arrived at around 11:30 I think. After one last set of obs and the removal
of my canula I was good to go!

DH helped me out to the car and we stopped off to get lemonade and panadol. He set me up in bed with a heat pack and that's where I spent most of the day dozing and watching DVDs.

My mum came this afternoon with flowers which was very sweet. And my sister popped round this evening with some choccies!

The pain is bearable. It's similar to period cramps but not quite. More uncomfortable than painful. Panadol and a heat pack is working fine. Had a little bit of spotting before I left the hospital but that's normal.

Tomorrow I call the clinic at 10am to find out our fertilization rate! Excited to hear how well DHs sperm have done!

He played out his part in the baby making this morning. He was able to produce his sample at home and then take it to the clinic by 8:30. It's strange to think that right now we have embies being made..and we are not even present!

I am not to concerned about the fertilization. With all those eggs I would be happy if we got 8 or 9. Just so long as we have a few to stick back in the freezer for later.



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Pictures Speak 1000 Words

I don't think I need to say much else right now....

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Can't Sleep

Night before EPU and I can't sleep! Combination of excitement and nerves.

DH managed to make it home which was a big relief.

I am hoping everything goes smoothly tomorrow and we get a good number of eggs! Then it will be a waiting game to see how the fertilization process goes. I really hope we get to put a few bubsicles on ice!

I think I am still in disbelief that this is happening!!! It feels like we have been waiting forever for this day to come.

Fingers crossed that from here on in I will just have good news to share....




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Rain Rain Go Away...Like NOW!!

You know how I've been bitching about the rain?!!?

Well my bitching is going to take on a whole new level....

DH is away at work (as you all probably know). Right now he is working up north..and it's wet season. It's been ok up until now. They have had a little bit of rain this week, but nothing like what we have been experiencing here....UNTIL TONIGHT!

Just got a text message from DH (who is working as he is on night shift 6pm-6am)...

'Pissing down rain here. If the roads flood I won't be coming home.'

Ok now you can cue the major swear words that escaped from my mouth when I received this text.

If the roads flood, they will not be able to drive from the camp where they are to the airport. This is about a 2 hour drive from the middle of nowhere to the closest major town.

It's not exactly a problem for our EPU. We have the 'sperm pop' in the freezer, so worst case scenario if DH doesn't make it home by Wednesday morning then the clinic can use this to fertilise my eggs. The part I'm more concerned about is missing his emotional support.

He is meant to drive me to the hospital and then pick me up when I'm done.
He's meant to be all sweet and caring and pamper me while I rest up from the EPU procedure.
He's meant to be here so we can get all excited about the number of eggs that were removed.
He's meant to be here when I get the call from the clinic about how many eggs were fertilised so we can celebrate or commiserate with each other.
He's meant to be here for the ET...and for the first few days of the TWW to keep me positive.

What am I going to do without him by my side?!?!?

If my parents and sister are working then I have noone to drive me/pick me up from hospital. I also have noone to be with me in the 24 hours following the anaesthetic (hospital rules) unless my mum or sister are able to stay the night.

I hope this rain lets up. I don't want to do this part without him here.

Ugh stupid hormones. Made myself cry.

It's Happening...

My follies grew nice and big!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have about 9 or 10 on my right hand side and 7 or 8 on my left. These are the decent sized ones anyway. I am so impressed at how much they can grow in a few days!! The nurse said that from these we should get about 10 mature eggs, but of course there are no guarantees. She said even if we get 8 it would be considered successful.

I cannot explain the wave of relief that when through me as she started pointing out all the follies and reading me out the measurements to record. It was immense. I can relax (for now!).

I do my last Gonal F injection tonight along with my Ovidrel trigger at 7:30pm tonight. Tomorrow night I use my first Crinone application. Then EPU is bright and early Wednesday morning. I have to be at the hospital at 6:15am and  EPU is scheduled for 7:30am. Hopefully I will be out around lunch time if I recover ok from the procedure. Then I up the Crinone to an AM and PM application from the day after EPU through until I find out whether I have a BFP or a BFN. ET will hopefully be on Friday.

So today is a good news day.

Eeeeeep!

I can't shake myself out of this funk.

I'm tired. I'm moody. I'm scared.

Tonight is my last lot of injections..in theory. Well, asides from the trigger which I think they give me tomorrow after the scan and tell me when to do it. What if my follies aren't big enough for EPU??? I don't want to reach a dead end before we have had our proper shot. Would be another kick in the teeth...showing me that once again my body has failed.

I am trying to take this one step at a time. I have been trying to focus on getting through the injections but now they are almost over I can't help but look to the next stage...and the next...and the next.

This week is going to be HUGE if all goes to plan.

-first my scan to find out if EPU will be going ahead
-then EPU (and hoping we get a good egg number)
-then the 2 days wait to see if my eggs fertilise and make good quality embies
-and finally there is ET and the TWW....

At least DH will be here for all this (well minus most of the TWW). I will admit I am a little nervous about going into hospital and being put under for the EPU. But I think that's normal and my nerves won't be put to rest until I wake up after the procedure is over (and check my hand for the number of eggs they managed to retrieve).

Perhaps once I get through my appointment tomorrow morning I can relax a little more...

Another Whinge

Just going to have a whinge...

Was up early to go get my blood test done. No bruise on my arm so far, but it's really sore! I do however have a big bruise on my belly from one of my injections last night. The only other bruise I have had has been very small so not sure how this has happened! Still extremely bloated and uncomfortable. Having lots of throbbing pains from my ovaries too. I suppose these are good signs.

I have been feeling nauseous ALL day. I took one of my Metformin pills with morning tea and felt so sick ever since. You would think my body would be used to this medication by now, but obviously not. -sigh-

Hormones are full on. I am alternating between crying my eyes out and extreme rage. Poor DH keeps copping the rage when he calls. I seem to end up snapping at him over nothing. I apologise and he does realise that the drugs are having a massive effect on me (figured that when he was experiencing the mood swings face to face before he went back to work) but I still feel so awful. I just can't seem to control my emotions at the moment. I am more sensitive to EVERYTHING. Little things seems to piss me off or make me want to cry. Just thinking about DH and how much he is putting up with is now making me teary.

I don't think I expected to be feeling so 'not like me' at this point in the IVF cycle. I didn't think the side effects would be any worse than Letrozole, but I was wrong. I feel like I'm falling apart emotionally, and I know that this is only going to get worse over the next few weeks until we know the outcome. Physically, I just don't feel right. I would love a few side effect free days so I could feel healthy and normal. Not likely to happen anytime soon...although if I fall pregnant I am hoping I might get to stop the Metformin! That would be a relief. I know none of this is permanent, but I have been on some form of medication or the other for many months now. The injections are certainly more intense, but Letrozole and Metformin are not exactly a walk in the park either. At lest with the Letrozole it was over in 6 or 7 days...

I am still quite scared that when I go to my scan on Monday I am going to be told that my follies are not growing...I'm not sure what happens from there. Like whether the cycle is cancelled or whether they give me some bigger doses of the drugs...I would hope they could just give me some more drugs and postpone EPU rather than cancelling all together. That would be less upsetting.

I don't think the weather is helping my mood either. It's wet and miserable and I can't remember when I last saw some sunshine. I am in desperate need of a few hours sitting in the sand and soaking up some rays. It's Summer after all...but totally not feeling like it here!

Stupid hormones.

That is all.

Day 8

Day 8 scan was this afternoon.

7 follies on the right ovary. 6 on the left. All under 2mm.
Lining 10-12mm.

FS said all was going to plan and pleased with where I am at.

The size of the follies sounds a bit small to me, but who am I to argue with the expert?

Hopefully they keep growing and by my scan on Monday they are nice and big and ready for EPU on Wednesday!

Jabs are going well. I am over my Cetrotide freakout and I even managed to get all the liquid out of the vial tonight! Go me!!
Looking at my belly, it is now covered in little red needle pricks. Gross! Have only had 1 bruise so far which is nice. Better than my arms where they are taking blood!

Today was my last day of work for a week. I figure I am going to need lots of distractions between now and Christmas/testing. I think I will make a list of things I can do over the next few weeks to keep me occupied. Any ideas, please let me know!!

Need to think of ways to get through this weekend. No plans so far (bar going to get a blood test!) which is super boring!! Wish DH was home..would be much easier to distract myself.

I can't believe EPU is next week!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!