1dp5dt

So let the fun of the TWW begin!

I took my last Valium last night before I went to bed and wow...I had the BEST sleep!!! I went to bed around 9pm and did not wake until 10am!! I must have really needed the rest. If only I could have some Valium every night...I think it would kick my insomnia's butt!

Got up and remembered that I needed to do a pregnyl booster shot today. I hate those pregnyl ampoules. Whose stupid idea was it to put them in a glass bottle that you have to snap the top off to open them?!?!!? DUMB DUMB DUMB!!

I snapped the tops off and cut my fingers up....

cuts + blood thinners = bleeding mess

So there I was with 2 bleeding fingers, trying to mix up the pregnyl, wrap paper towel around the cuts and stop the bleeding and give myself the damn injection...

There was blood everywhere..oh and glass from the tops of the ampoules too.

To top it off, I couldn't get the bleeding to stop. It took me hours and hours of wrapping my fingers and holding pressure on them before my blood stopped flowing. I even text DH asking what I should do as I was beginning to freak out about how much blood these tiny little cuts were producing. I could have done with another Valium...hahaha!

I'm feeling extremely bloated today and crampy. I know the progesterone pessaries are causing the cramps...not really sure why I'm bloated but I wouldn't be surprised if it's a side effect from one of the meds I am on. Way too early to be jumping to any conclusions other than this!

Transfer Day

So I am now PUPO with our 2 little embies on board!!  Let's hope at least one of them decides to stick around for the next 9 months..though both of them are quite welcome to stay!

Transfer went well. I woke up at 3am this morning as I was so excited/nervous and I couldn't sleep. My sister arrived just after 5am to pick me up and we left by about 5:30am. I had my bloods done at QFG and picked up my scripts. Then it was off to the day theatres.

Once I had filled in all the paperwork I got to derobe (from the waist down) and was given a lovely hospital gown and robe to put on along with some booties and one of those shower cap things! So different from the last transfer...just had to get my bottom half of clothing off and away we went...

Once I was changed I had to sit in the waiting room which was also the last stage of recovery for those having EPUs. A few other couples joined me not long after and I think they were all doing FETs too. All the ladies had their partners with them so I felt a little lonely sitting by myself. Not long after I got my valium from the nurse and it kicked in pretty quickly. I felt very relaxed and a little sleepy. I even dosed off for about 10 minutes or so at one point...

Finally it was my turn and the nurse led me into the room. Wazza was there waiting. Once I had layed down I had to wiggle my fingers and toes and then repeat Wazza's magic words... Oh and then I had to sing along with his special Wazza song (which is pretty much the play school song with a few word changes). He is so funny!! I couldn't stop giggling.

The scientist came in with the embies all ready to go. The morula was now a blast (which is what they wanted) and the 7 cell got to morula stage which was pretty good. They weren't top grade (AA) embies though...only got BB grading so hopefully they are strong enough to hang around!

Once the transfer was complete Wazza walked me down the corridor and I had to 'breathe in the fertile air' and then he showed me the incubators where the embies are kept. Wazza said that if I listened closely I could hear them saying 'good luck'.

Got changed and was allowed to leave (with some extra valium for later). I've spent the rest of the day in my PJs on the couch dozing and watching TV. Very relaxing which was my plan!

My blood test is on the 12th May...going to be a loooooooong wait!

Haven't spoken to DH yet to tell him how it all went down. Must be having a busy day at work with no time to call me. Should hear from him in the next hour or so...

So there you go..it's possible to conceive a baby with your husband almost 1000kms away!!!

Please hang in tight little ones. We love you so much already. 

PS Thank you to all my amazing blog buddies who left me lots of messages of love and support. xx

One More Sleep...

Thank you to all those who left some positive comments about my thawing embies!!

I got another update this morning...

8 cell is now a morula (my little super star!) and our slow little 4 cell was a 7 cell! I am happy that it is growing and perhaps by tomorrow it may have progressed a little more (I can hope can't I?!?).

So that phone call was a good start to the morning!!

Transfer is tomorrow morning...I need to be at the day theatre where the transfer will be done by 7:30am! I am actually having to arrive before 7am as I need to get bloods done and also pick up some scripts (need more Clexane & pessaries to see me through the TWW). So it's going to be a very early morning for me (and my sister who has offered to be my chauffeur).

I am feeling very nervous that I am so close to being PUPO...but also a little excited. I know I shouldn't, but I am pinning a lot of hope on this FET. If it's not successful then I know it will be a while before we cycle again...so I need this to work!

I am missing DH and wishing he was here. I need him to calm me down and distract me. I know I won't sleep tonight. I'm too wired. I've tried to wear myself out this afternoon. I did all the housework, the washing and made a pot of veggie soup. If this fails to help me fall asleep then I will just watch DVDs until I drift off...

Please, if you can spare some positive thoughts..think of me and our little embryos tomorrow.

Blogging Awards

I have been nominated for 2 awards!

Thanks go to Liz @ Compromised Fertility for thinking of me for the 'Versatile Blogger Award'.

And to New Year Mum @ Our New Beginning..(hopefully) for the 'Stylish Blogger Award'.

Feeling very special!!

So here's how it works:

1. Winners put the award images on their blog.
2. Link back to the person/s that nominated you for the award/s.
3. Share 10 things about yourself.
4. Award 15 bloggers.
5. Contact the bloggers you have nominated and let them know about their award.

10 Things About Me

1. We have been TTC for almost 21 months..rapidly approaching our 2 year TTC anniversary in August.

2. I suffer from emetophobia (a phobia of vomiting) and have since I was about 7 years old. My phobia is more about other people vomiting and I cannot stand to hear or see it happen. I have gotten slightly less anxious about this compared to when I was a kid...but I still have a way to go. Hopefully having children will help as I'm sure dealing with vomit will be a regular occurrence.

3. My favourite band is the Foo Fighters! I have all their albums and have seen them in concert several times. My favourite song from their collection is Next Year.

4. I love to bake. Cupcakes, muffins, biscuits, cakes...I try to only do it when my DH comes home otherwise I would be eating my creations all by myself!

5. When I first finished school, my career choice of the time was photographer. I even got into an exclusive arts university to study a Bachelor of Photography, but after 6 months I changed my mind and decided to stick with photography as a hobby!

6. I have 1 sister who is almost 4 years younger than me. We fought A LOT growing up but became friends once I moved out of home. I now consider her one of my best friends.

7. I met my DH 2 weeks after I turned 18 and we have been inseparable ever since!

8. My favourite toys when I was growing up were my barbie dolls. I had a massive collection of dolls plus a suitcase full of their clothes. I spent hours setting up houses for them all and could spend all day playing with them. One year I got some quints dolls (little barbie sized babies which were super cute) and I was then obsessed with making Barbie pregnant and having kids...(I guess I was obsessed with TTC and babies even when I was a kid!).

9. When I was really young I wanted to be a nurse (obviously before my vomit phobia) and had a little uniform that I used to wear and I carried around my toy medical kit.

10. We have a massive DVD collection. I'm talking hundreds and hundreds of movies. However, every time I decide I want to watch a DVD I look through them and decide we have 'nothing to watch'...go figure!

My Nominees

1. Kelli @ Cinderella Wore Glass Slippers
2. Marissa @ Eggs in a Basketcase
3. Ducky @ I'm Just Ducky, Thanks
4. JMM @ It's Just Us Chickens
5. Me & You @ Me & You, Just Us-Two
6. Leigh @ My Hormanocoaster
7. Cyndi @ Then Comes  the Baby in the Baby Carriage
8. Lostintranslation @ We Say IVF They Say FIV
9. Karen @ (Impatiently) Waiting
10. Beyond AngelBaby @ Beyond Angel Baby..Life After Stillbirth
11. Rochelle @ Simply Rochelle
12. C. Sue @ Infertility: A Diary
13. Nicole @ Nicole's World
14. Tara @ Our Journey
15. Jay @ Stork Stalking

So take your pick ladies-'Stylish Blogger' or 'Versatile Blogger'!

Thawing

Called the clinic today to get an update on the thawing of our embryos.

1 is doing great and is now at 8 cell stage. The scientist said it looks 'beautiful'.

The 2nd is a little slow. Still at 4 cell stage so it hasn't grown yet. The scientist said it looked alright but isn't sure whether it will progress any further. Her advice was to leave it today and see how it looks tomorrow. So I will call for another update in the morning (along with finding out what time my FET will be).

If it hasn't grown then we will have a decision to make. Run with the 2 embies already thawed..so the 8 cell and the 4 cell, or they can thaw a 3rd embryo tomorrow and see if that does any better than the current 4 cell. I'm in 2 minds...on the one side I would really like 2 8 cell (or better) embies to put back so trying a 3rd seems like a good choice, but on the other hand I don't want to waste one of our precious embies!! If we have 3 thawed then one will not be used...and I don't know if I want to do that. Better to have 4 still frozen then 3...

DH and I had a quick discussion before he left for work today and we are going to see what the scientist has to say tomorrow before we make any hard and fast decision. It's going to be a tough call...

I am happy in some respects as at least the embies survived the thaw and we still have spare, plus we have 1 really good embie to put back. But I am a little sad that the 2nd embie isn't doing as well...but I suppose tomorrow may bring some better news and perhaps this little one is just a little bit slow off the mark. I have to keep reminding myself that we got a BFP using a 4 cell embryo last time...so perhaps this little one could still be our sticky bub!

Side effects from my range of meds are driving me a little nutty and I'm not even in the TWW yet! Having lots of cramps (which I am assuming is the pessaries fault), peeing very frequently during the night (up about 4 times on average), hot flushes (air con in our bedroom set at a cool 22 degrees so I can sleep), plus some nausea and gastro intestinal upsets just to keep things interesting...I must be so susceptible to drug side effects as I always seem to suffer whereas I hear others barely feel a thing!

So I suppose I have crossed a couple more hurdles from my list...

-CD2 scan and getting the go ahead to start the FET cycle
-transporting of our embryos from old clinic to new one (sometime between 11/4-15/4)
-CD12 scan (22/4) & getting go ahead to trigger-thawing of embryos and successfully growing them to day 5 blastos if needed (towards end of April)
-having 2 perfect (or near perfect) embryos to transfer by transfer day (end of April)
-transfer going through without a problem
-making it through TWW and to blood test date without period arriving
-good HCG levels on first blood test
-POAS and see lines increasing in darkness (and see that lovely word 'pregnant' on a digital test)
-continue to see HCG levels rising on subsequent blood tests

I won't add anymore to the list until we cross a few more from the list!

Can I just say once more how much I am enjoying ICLW?!? I have connected with lots more lovely ladies in the blogging community and I notice I have even gained a few more followers!! If I am not already following you, please leave me a comment with your blog so I can return the favour!!

Oh and I have been given an award (or 2 I think...) so I promise I will fulfill my duties that come with these next post...(actually maybe I'll double post tonight and go do it now!).

Up...An Overshare

***So before you continue reading my post..I am going to give you a TMI warning! This post could possibly be an extreme overshare...so I apologize in advance!***


Have started my pre FET regime..extra 16 pills a day is quite hard to remember as I have to take them 4 times a day..all the other pills I have been using I take in the morning after breakfast to get them out of the way!

The 4 pessaries a day hasn't been too bad since I am home but am worried as to how I'll do at least 1 of the 4 at work. I figure I can do 1 when I get up, 1 when I get home from work and the other before bed..so that leaves 1 for work hours.

I was warned about the messiness of pessaries and the need to lie down for about 20-30 minutes after it has been inserted. I used Crinone for my first cycle and the mess wasn't so bad..it was worse once there was a build up of it..and clearing it out...vomit worthy!!

So the idea of these pessaries 4 times a day plus mess was not appealing to me..a veteran IVFer (now mummy to be) told me about the alternative...I could insert the pessaries up my 'rear passage'.

Now this was not the first time I has been told this. The nurse mentioned this on Friday when I picked the pessaries up. It was more of a 'this is an alternative as they can cause irritation or thrush'. At the time I was thinking 'hell no!!', but then the friend mentioned it and told me that not only was there little mess, you didn't need to lie around for 30 minutes after...I was almost sold.

I mentioned it to DH when he got home yesterday afternoon. He was all for this alternative given how much of a turn off the Crinone was last time round which led to a bit of a sex drought....so when it came time to do the pessaries last night I ummed and ahhed over my decision.

I am somewhat awkwardly embarrassed to say that I took the rear option. Uncomfortable the first few times but the no mess factor really grabs me. I don't want to spend the next few weeks wearing pads or panty liners collecting gunk! Especially if this cycle is successful and I would possibly be using the pessaries up to the 12 week mark. That would grow old really quick..

So there you have it. I think my blog has reached a new low in terms of oversharing! Sorry to those popping by from ICLW..I promise my posts aren't always about sticking pessaries up my rear!




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Almost Easter

I spent the day with my mum today and it was just lovely.

We started off going to an Easter Craft Fair which is held every year in our town. It's been our tradition to go each year, browse the 2nd hand book market, have morning tea and then wander the stalls of the craft fair. We've been doing this for about 6 years now.

So we grabbed some bargain books, ate some yummy pikelets with jam and cream and 'oohed and ahhed' over the gorgeous and clever crafts! Of course there were a few stalls with beautiful handmade baby/children's clothes which made me a little sad. Mum's comment was 'hopefully next year we will be able to buy some of these for your babies'. Awww..she wants to be a grandma so bad! And note she said babies...yes she is positive I will end up with twins!

After the craft fair, we went to visit my grandma who unfortunately ended up back in hospital on Thursday. She is feeling better though and they will let her out Monday. We had a nice visit and took her some lunch so she didn't have to eat the awful hospital food which she was very happy about! I also took her in a Lindt Dark Chocolate Bunny which brought a smile to her face. She decided the bunny is too cute to eat though! I have to agree with her..but the call of chocolate would win me over!!

Once we got home from the hospital we decided to take my naughty doggy down to the beach for a walk. So glad we did this...it was PERFECT!! Blue skies and sunshine...heaven!

I have spent the evening relaxing on the couch at home, watching TV and discovering lots of new blogs through ICLW!! I thought DH was meant to be home today from his camping trip but I sent him a text and he informed me that they wouldn't be home until tomorrow!!! Something he forgot to tell me before he left as I was under the assumption that it was only a 2 night trip! Never mind...maybe I'll just have to eat a few of his Easter eggs to teach him a lesson!

Tomorrow I am headed to another local market with my mum in the morning...this one is where we go to pig out on yummy food! Then tomorrow night my parents are having me, DH and my sister and her DP round for dinner. My dad is cooking us all a roast which will be super yummy and is also a family Easter tradition!

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter, however you intend to spend it!



Happy ICLW (and a bit of an update)

This is my 3rd month of participating in the ICLW and I love it!! It's great finding other blogs to read and connect with others ladies across the globe going through similar things in their lives. I love the support of the blogging community!!

So if you are new to my blog-welcome and thanks for taking the time to stop by! Looking forward to reading some new stories and meeting some new people. Please make sure to leave a link to your blog (if it's not in your profile) so I can return the visit!

Here's our story in a nutshell...

DH is 27; works away in the mines; loves fishing, 4WDing & camping.
I am 26; work at a university as a counsellor; love reading, photography & the beach.
We have a fur baby doggy who is 2.5 and a crazy nut!
Met November 2002.
Engaged March 2005.
Married April 2007.
Began TTC August 2009.
Diagnosed with PCOS June 2010.
4 cycles of Letrozole & Metformin June-Sept 2010.
First IVF cycle Dec 2010.
BFP Dec 2010.
Miscarriage Jan 2011.
Started seeing new Fertility Specialist (and switched to new IVF clinic) March 2011.
First FET cycle April.

So we are currently on the road to FET #1 with our new clinic and doctor (who is amazing). I had an appointment with my doctor (Wazza) this morning and all is looking good. My lining is great and I have 2 eggs ready to pop. We are scheduled for our transfer on Thursday 28th April. Less than a week to go! The rest of the appointment was a flurry of activity. The nurse took some more blood, gave me my trigger injection, and went over the treatment plan for the lead up to the FET (and beyond).

From Sunday night I will start taking progynova & provera and start using the progesterone pessaries. This will add an extra 16 pills a day (8 of each) to the 10 I am already taking each morning. Plus I have to do 4 pessaries a day...how on earth am I going to fit that in when I have to lay down for 20-30 minutes after each one?!?! (If anyone has any tips please let me know...especially how you managed to do this at work!) I have to keep telling myself that this is all worth it for a baby...or babies. We are putting 2 embryos back (if the thaw goes well).

The thaw starts on Monday and they will grow the embryos out to blasto. We have 6 embies on ice so hoping that at least 2 make it through for us!! I can call on Tuesday for an update.

Cry Baby

I could cry right now and I don't know why...I just have this urge to break down in big, body shaking sobs.

The proximity of this cycle is overwhelming me I suppose. On one hand it's what we have been waiting for...but on the other....well it's scary as all get out.

The 'what ifs' are madly circling in my mind.

What if Wazza decides tomorrow that my lining etc doesn't look ready and the FET is cancelled?
What if none of our embies survive the thaw?
What if this FET doesn't work?
What if it does?

The thought of any of these outcomes increases the urge to cry.

My belly is killing me. I tried icing my belly before the Clexane injection this morning, and guess what?!!? IT MADE ME BRUISE EVEN WORSE!! What's up with that?!?! Going to check with Wazza or the nurse tomorrow...maybe I am doing something wrong?!?

Looking at my belly makes me want to cry too. I showed my parents this afternoon and the look on their faces...total and utter shock. I guess it is as bad as it looks.

chit chat

DH's car has been written off, so it's car hunt on. We went to see it one last time today so DH could grab his bits and pieces out. It looked so sad! Looking at the car close up (and right way up) I am amazed that the boys managed to get out without any injuries. The car is trashed!! DH is sad, but kind of relieved that they are not going to repair it. Cars are never the same after an accident like that. The car hunting isn't going to be fun. It took DH months to find this car and we got it for a bargain price. I don't know if he will be that lucky again...can't do too much but trawl the Internet until we get the cheque from the insurance company.

In cycling news, I am just plodding along and hanging out for my scan on Friday morning. I am hoping that all will be fine and we will be going ahead with a FET sometime after the Easter long weekend. So perhaps by this time next week I will be PUPO!!

The Clexane is still giving me grief. I am now bleeding from the needle prick after each jab..bleeding a lot! I guess all these blood thinners are doing the job! I am going to try icing my belly before and after the jab to see if this helps lessen the bruising. My belly looks like a junkies...

One more day of work to get through and then I get an extra, long weekend-5 days!! Easter and ANZAC day all fall around the same time this year. No exciting plans. DH is off on a 'boys only' camping trip and leaves tomorrow afternoon for a couple of days. Kinda peeved at him ditching me and skipping out on my scan to go camping...but I'll get over it. I'll catch up with my mum and my sister and I am also going to visit with my nanny on Sunday. Plenty to keep me busy while he is away!

Ouch!

Clexane is NOT my friend.

Why?!?

This is why...

This is the right side of my belly by the way...the left has a few less bruises (so far).


By the time I finish with these injections my stomach will have no unbruised flesh left!

Today I couldn't get the needle in so I even ended up with a few extra bruises..very unfortunate. I completely freaked out when I couldn't get the needle in too. Started yelling for DH and I almost wound up in tears. I don't know what got into me but I just panicked! DH managed to calm me down and once u focused I got the needle done.

I really hope this FET does the job..I don't know how much more of this my body (or my mind) can take!

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Sunday Bloody Sunday

I am very glad Sunday is over..because you know what I got to deal with?!? A phone call at about 9am from DH telling me he had been in an accident and was standing looking at his car which was on it's roof!!!

-cue freak out-

I was alternating between screaming and bawling my eyes out. Not a nice phone call to receive when you are still half asleep.

DH had gone out fishing and had 2 mates in the car. They are all ok and all got out of the car without a scratch. I can't really explain how it happened if you don't know the road, but it was simply a freak accident. The police said DH did nothing wrong and there was no way he could have avoided rolling the car. Luckily it was at a low speed, otherwise I don't think the boys would have escaped unscathed.

The car on the other hand, wasn't so lucky..

Here it is being pulled out (and over) by the tow truck.

It was my pleasant duty of picking them up from the crash scene..not nice to see your car lying on it's roof on the side of a road..not nice to watch it be pulled out and flipped back right way up by a tow truck driver (who then let it slide and almost flipped it again!!).

The car is now at the towing companies yard and the insurance assessors will decide on Tuesday if it's fixable or a write off. Yes, thankfully we do have insurance.

The car looked pretty messed up. Drivers door wouldn't close, it wouldn't start, the front end is no longer straight, windscreen cracked, roof scratched and dented..and that's only what we could see! Weren't game enough to look under the bonnet or under neath the car. It was leaking something..oil or power steering fluid. The tow truck driver seemed to think it was borderline between a write off or repair job.

I am very thankful that my husband and his friends were not injured and walked away unharmed...but this is just horrible timing. I do not need the stress of this right now or the possible financial strains..I just want to focus on the FET and think positive thoughts..but that's quite difficult at the moment.


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Needle Anyone?

Started the Clexane injections today. Totally different to the FSH jabs I did last year for our first IVF cycle.

Firstly, the needle was quite blunt and I had to push it into my belly with a bit of force.

Secondly, when I pulled it back out..it stung and not just for a second. It stung for about 5 minutes after I'd done the jab. DH thinks I was just being sooky..

Today was also my last dose of Letrozole so let's hope I can say goodbye to the mood swings and hot flushes for now.

Other side effects from other meds are starting to appear though. It's like I cannot escape their wrath!

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Hooray!

Our 6 little embryos made it safely from one clinic to another!! I missed the call from the scientist but I had a message on my phone from her telling me they had arrived 'safe and sound'!!

Another hurdle ticked off my list...

4 Years of Wedded Bliss?!?

Today..wait..it's 1am..so yesterday marked our 4 year wedding anniversary.

Wow!

It doesn't feel like 4 years has passed since we got married. I can remember it like it was just last week. But boy have we come a long way since we got married at the ripe old ages of 23 (him) and 22 (me)!!

In the past 4 years...I graduated from uni, we bought a house, bought a dog, we both have had a few job changes, hubby has had a total career change, we've been to Fiji, bought 2 new cars and in between all that we decided to try for a baby!

The biggest challenge we have faced as a married couple is of course our TTC journey and I think if our relationship can survive this..well it can survive ANYTHING!!

I know that neither of us expected our life to take a detour down this particular road. We hoped to be on the express lane to parenthood but somehow, this is where we ended up. We have almost spent half of our married life trying to have a baby! How much longer is it going to take?!

At the moment it feels like the bad times outweigh the good, but looking back hubby and I have plenty of happy memories to share. We have built a life together and even without a baby, it is a happy one (most of the time). TTC has brought us closer together in many ways and has grown our relationship into something stronger....something that can stand tall against the batterings of late.

Sure sometimes the stress of infertility gets under our skin and we fight and yell and scream...but it passes and we stand again united..us against the world.

Because that's how it is..me and him, together. Hoping that one day we win the fight.


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Sad

***This is going to be a sad sack post, so if you don't feel like reading about my downer mood then please feel free to ignore!***



Today I should have been 20 weeks pregnant. Halfway through the journey and only 20 weeks (give or take) off meeting our first born. DH and I should be celebrating finding out the sex of our little one and been planning like mad for his/her arrival. Of course we all know this wasn't to be, and instead I am hormonal and hot from medication and wondering when the hell this shitty ride is ever going to end.

I am currently eating chocolate..a lot of chocolate in hope that it makes me feel slightly better. But to be honest it's just making me feel sick...It's only 7:30pm but I am about to take myself off to bed. A good cry will help and hopefully things will look better in the morning. Surely you are meant to be happy on your wedding anniversary...

Purple Pills? No, but I have some blue and yellow ones!

This is what day 2 of my FET cycle looks like..

Letrozole is the latest addition to my pile of pills. 2 a day until day 6. I am wondering if this larger dose will make the side effects worse. Last time I was only taking 1 a day and I experienced headaches, hot flushes and extreme mood swings! So I am preparing myself for the drug induced hormones.

I'm sure they will fit in nicely with the myriad of other side effects I am already experiencing from the other meds.

Fun times...

In non TTC related news, DH is now unsure if he will be home on Thursday. Leave it to his workplace to leave changes til the last minute. I am assuming we will find out late tomorrow afternoon whether he gets to fly home on Thursday morning..they always cut it fine! If he doesn't come home then he will most likely have to work for a month before he gets time off. Lucky him will miss all the hormones, the transfer and the TWW crazies...trying not to stress as there is nothing I can do to change this. Just wait and see what news tomorrow brings.


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False Start

Wazza decided that yesterday was not CD2 and dubbed it 'day limbo'. Apparently there was still too much of my lining left (I did wonder why my period has been so light...) and one of my ovaries had some small follicles on it still...So he didn't want me to start the Letrozole yesterday. Today is now CD1 and tomorrow I will start the Letrozole. Delayed by a few days, but as a friend pointed out, it's better than being cancelled! My next scan is CD12 which falls on Good Friday. Another bright and early appointment at 6am! DH will be home so I am going to try and convince him to drive me. I really want him to meet Wazza. I think it would help him to hear what he has to say about everything, and he comes across as the kind of doctor that would put males at ease in what can usually be an awkward situation.

So depending how the CD12 scan looks, I will trigger a day or so after and then transfer will be around 5 days (give or take) after that. The next hurdle is the transporting of our embryos from here to the new clinic. Hoping this happens sometime this week.

I have decided to look at this cycle not as a whole, but as hurdles we must get through to get our end result....it's making me slightly less stressed (so far).

Here's what I have come up with so far..

-CD2 scan and getting the go ahead to start the FET cycle
-transporting of our embryos from old clinic to new one (sometime between 11/4-15/4)
-CD12 scan (22/4) & getting go ahead to trigger
-thawing of embryos and successfully growing them to day 5 blastos if needed (towards end of April)
-having 2 perfect (or near perfect) embryos to transfer by transfer day (end of April)
-transfer going through without a problem
-making it through TWW and to blood test date without period arriving
-good HCG levels on first blood test
-POAS and see lines increasing in darkness (and see that lovely word 'pregnant' on a digital test)
-continue to see HCG levels rising on subsequent blood tests

I could go on with things about actually getting to have our first scan, seeing our little bubba/s on screen, hearing a heartbeat, making it past the miscarriage date, making it to 12 weeks etc etc...but for now...that's enough. Quite a few hurdles to get through in the next few weeks. I am glad DH will be home for some of it, though him being missing through the TWW could pose problems (only from my own emotional POV) but I will survive. I think he was away for a good chunk of the last TWW for our first IVF cycle and I did get through it without even POAS until he returned home! That's willpower I tell you!!

So now I suppose I can officially say that today marks day 1 of our FET cycle...and I really hope that it's the only one we need to do this year. Please bring us our sticky baby..make the rest of 2011 a happy one for me and my husband.

Saturday's Positives

Wanting to share some positive vibes with you all and thanks goes to Lindsay @ Waiting for that Positive for the encouragement (and giveaway!).

So here are some positives from me on this rainy Saturday afternoon.

1. My period has arrived and we have now started our first FET cycle!! I can't tell you how excited I am to finally be back on the TTC train! It's been a long wait and although I an anxious, I believe our new doctor will help us reach our happy ending!

2. It's raining, and whilst we have had a lot of rain recently, today I am enjoying being snuggled up on the couch with our fur baby, watching movies, playing online and generally just having a relaxing day.

3. I am going to catch up with mum later this afternoon. I haven't spent much time with her over the past few weeks as she has been busy caring for her mum. It will be nice to do some shopping, and have a chat over a coffee.

4. My husband boosted my mood a short while ago by calling me (never usually get to speak to him until the evenings when he has finished work for the day) just to say how much he loves me and how much he misses me! So sweet! He was on a very short lunch break (literally they have to eat on the run in his line of work) and I just love that he took the time to give me a call. Put a big smile on face.

5. Oh and by the looks of things, hubby is going to be home for our 4th wedding anniversary and will still be around for the Easter long weekend as well! For once a change in rosters has worked in our favour!!

Now that I have shared some of my positives for the day, please take a couple of minutes to think about the good things happening in your life (no matter how small). I'd love to hear about them too!

It's On!

My period started yesterday afternoon but because it was in the PM I couldn't count CD1 until today....

So today marks CD1 and the beginning of our FET cycle. On top of my supplements/meds I have already been taking I added Feldene & Prednisone into the mix so I am now up to 8 tablets a day (plus my berocca drink). Tomorrow I start Letrozole (2 more tablets) and I have a very early morning scan with Wazza. Going to have to leave the house at around 5am to make it on time..not pleasant for a Sunday morning! Oh well...a small price to pay I suppose.

From there I will continue with Letrozole from day 2-6, add Clexane injections from day 7 and then will have another scan on day 12. Then there will be a trigger injection, more meds and the transfer itself (if our thaw goes to plan). So hopefully in another 2 weeks or so we will have 2 perfect embies transferred and I will be PUPO with twins!! And then all I can do is hope that in another 2 weeks after that we will receive the news that the cycle was successful and I am pregnant again...

Hoping the time passes quickly. I would quite happily fast forward past it all to the day of the blood test...

Oh on a random note, a friend of mine is working with a lady who is pregnant after an IVF cycle. She had 2 embryos put back in and is expecting triplets!!!!! I told DH this and he freaked out a little that this could possibly happen to us...I told him whatever happened whether it be 1 baby or 3, we would cope. I suppose the one thing this whole TTC journey has taught me is to expect the unexpected...triplets would be a shock, but I would just feel 3 times as blessed if this were the outcome of our FET.

some ramblings

Hey fellow bloggers!

My weekend starts today and I couldn't be happier. I am exhausted!! My insomnia has come back with a vengence and sleep has become a difficult comodity to come by in my household. I lie there for hours trying to fall asleep and when I do I wake up every hour or so. The sleep I am having is restless and full of stressful/upsetting dreams. I am waking up every morning with gigantic bags under my eyes and I am finding it so hard to drag myself out of bed....coffee has been my saviour at work. I would not have been able to function without a large one each morning. By the time I get home of an afternoon I am drained of energy and have been falling into bed by about 8:30pm...where the cycle starts all over again!

I am hoping that I can have a bit of a sleep in tomorrow to catch up on some of my lost Zzzz time. I really need it!!

Tomorrow I am off to my new clinic for a registration appointment. It seems like such a waste of time to me. I have already seen the new FS and the nurses in his rooms, yet I still have to meet with the nurses of the clinic (separate to the FS nurses) to discuss what, I don't know! Asides from paying my clinic registration fee of $195 and finalising the last of the paperwork to transfer our embies, I don't really know what else these nurses can tell me. I already know the treatment plan, have my meds & know the ins and outs of IVF. *shrugs* A 2 hour round trip for a very short appointment is slightly annoying but they wouldn't let me skip it.

My period should arrive anyday now which means this FET cycle will be underway. The cramps have started as have the PMS symtoms..a breakout of pimples and a foul mood. I will have to make another trip in to see my FS on day 2 of my cycle for a scan...so I suppose knowing I am headed there tomorrow and then making another trip in another couple of days is frustrating me. Oh well..a small price to pay for such an awesome doctor!

In other news, it looks like DH's work rosters are changing. Instead of coming home on Tuesday next week, he will not be home until Thursday. He will then get to stay home for about 12 days (wow..longest he has been home in awhile) before he goes back to work and starts a new roster of 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. I'm not super impressed. He has done a 2/2 roster before and it was annoying. 2 weeks is a long time away (though we have had longer) but it's also a long time home. DH actually starts to get bored after about 9-10 days at home and we start to drive each other crazy. Perhaps it will be different this time round (he claims he wants to get to work on some house projects) but I doubt it. This change in roster also looks like DH will not be present for our transfer. I think this bothers me more than him though...Funny to think I may get pregnant without my DH being in the room (and being about 1000kms away). Just one of the quirks of IVF I suppose.

I Got Mail!!

Today I came home to find a package in the mail box from Lauren over at Lauren Vs The World. Just seeing a surprise like this put a smile on my face! Once I opened it, the smiles continued.

First there was the card...

...which made me laugh out loud!

Then some gorgeous, thoughtful gifts...

Some cute stickers, a notepad with an inspiring quote-'the future will be better tomorrow', a key chain that Lauren made and a CD full of 'happy songs'.

This little package from the other side of the world MADE MY DAY!!! So a HUGE thank you to Lauren for brightening up my day!!!

I am most impressed with the CD as it's full of awesome songs including 'Don't Stop Believin', '3 Little Birds', 'Jitterbug' & 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'.

So because of this lovely woman's sweet gesture, I wrote this post instead of the negative one I had been blogging in my head all day!

Freak Out

Today has been a busy one, but we achieved a lot.

-DH had the bloods done that the new FS requested
-We filled in the paperwork (and returned it) so that our old IVF clinic will release our frozen embryos to the new clinic
-Spoke with one of the scientists at the new clinic so they now know about our little embies and they should be at the new clinic by the end of next week!

After all that running around I dropped DH at the airport so he could fly back out to work for another week. As I was driving home, I was thinking about how nervous I was that this FET cycle is only a week or so away from starting. This got me wondering why I wasn't more excited as it means we could be getting closer to our baby and then it hit me...

I am freaking out because I am getting closer to possibly becoming pregnant again (hang on you say, isn't that what you want???) but this means that I could possibly be getting closer to miscarrying again...and that scares the beejebus out of me!!!

I want to be pregnant, but being pregnant doesn't always equate to a take home baby which is our ultimate goal of course. I know that these fears are normal and many others that have miscarried have probably felt the same way, but the question is, how do I overcome this fear??? Or is it something that will hang around and perhaps lessen as I pass each hurdle of a subsequent pregnancy?

I know I am jumping the gun right now because we still have a few hurdles to cross before I may even get to the stage of PUPO and then perhaps hear that the blood test shows I am pregnant (which will of course ensue a POAS madness). But that's all I can think about right now.

I'm Back!

I'm back in the land of the living..well the land of phone reception, the Internet and hot showers anyway! Camping was an adventure and the weather stayed pretty nice for most of our weekend. We swam, fished (well the boys did), ate, drank & relaxed. I was somewhat accident prone over the weekend and ended up coming home with multiple injuries including 3 burnt fingers (from the cooker), a bruised and swollen hand (not sure what I must have bumped it on), a fat lip (an incident with the torch) & several other unexplained bruises! Ouch!!! None of the injuries ruined my time away though which was lucky. I have also realised (well a friend pointed out) that because I am taking Aspirin as part of my daily supplement/med routine at the moment I would definitely be bruising easier..so that's some relief that perhaps I didn't hurt myself as much as I imagine.


Really it was just so nice to be on the beach 24/7 for a few days. Here's a few photos so you can admire the scenery I have been looking at! If I didn't like my own bed and hot showers so much I don't think I would have come home!!

driving along the beach

view from our campsite

swimming lagoon